Top 10 Guilty Pleasure Movies

The beauty of humanity is that we can all take to liking things that other people generally find awful and contrived.  Everybody has that one movie that is hated and despised that you just can't get enough of.  This is not being a hipster by any meaning of the word.  The definition of a movie or a song that people generally hate and you can find fault in and yet you love to watch it is called a "Guilty Pleasure".  Everybody has a guilty pleasure.  I happen to have a dirty clothesline filled with guilty pleasure songs/ movies/ TV Shows, but I'm gonna stick to movies in this post.  These are the movies that are generally viewed as pretty damn bad and don't have that much of a fanbase, but I cannot get enough of.  Of course, I'm willing to admit these films are horribly flawed and I should generally avoid these films like the plague, but for some asinine reason, I can't seem to stop watching.  Welp, here we go.





10. Hercules (1997)

In terms of films that make virtually no sense in their own regards, Hercules could take the crown.  The plot is so flimsy and filled with so many annoying cliches and contrived moments that I should generally avoid this movie.  I rated this film positively when I reviewed it, but again, I spoke in this film's review from a Guilty Pleasure standpoint.  Hercules and most of the main characters are not likable and can be predicted from their first few seconds of screentime.  And yet, Disney was able to add one of their finer Disney Villains into the pool alongside such classics as Jafar and Frollo.  I adored James Woods as Hades in this film and I wish that the film was more about him, or at least wish he had some kind of payoff.

And need I say anything about the film's complete disrespect to Greek Mythology?

9. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (2005)

It astounds me the amount of people who think that this is a good movie.  The acting from the Hayden Christiansen and Samuel L. Jackson standpoints has gotten so bad that even I'm blown away at how complex the awfulness is.  The choreography for the duels is so over the top and silly that it made Yoda jumping around like a schizophrenic crack baby in Attack of the Clones palatable.  Thank god Natalie Portman was kicked to the side so we didn't have that many love scenes in this movie.

But like I said in my review, the first 20 minutes of this film alone more than makes up for this douchebag's terrible acting and over the top scenes from both him and Ian McDiarmid as Palpatine tolerable.  That, alongside the absolute apologizing that Lucas did by having Jar Jar in the movie for like only 3 seconds, makes Revenge of the Sith, tolerable for me to watch.

8. Pocahontas (1995)



Say what you will, Lion King haters out there who think that the film is overrated and boring with minimal exceptions.  But in 1995, The Lion King was one of the top 3 most successful films of all time, behind only E.T. The Extra Terrestrial and Jurassic Park.  And when it was slated to come out, Pocahontas was not only supposed to outgross The Lion King, but also join Beauty and the Beast as the second animated film to be nominated for Best Picture.  This film is far more boring and more uninteresting than The Lion King and at least half as entertaining.  But to say that Disney did not put an effort into this movie would be downright unfair and wrong.  This is still one of the most beautiful animated films of all time, and while the film doesn't cover any new ground in terms of story development, there is nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to story execution.  Pocahontas (unlike the criminally overrated Mulan), is at least attempting to be a good movie, and while it doesn't exactly succeed, there is not crime for trying.

7. X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)


When it comes to comic book movies and origin stories, I don't care what happens as long as I can get a decent story with some kick ass action.  I got that with Origins.  It wasn't a story that I demanded to know, but it also wasn't a movie that I wasn't too pissed off at.  I know that a vast majority of the things in this movie don't make any sense, and that they completely shit on the storyline of the whole saga, but at least I got a legitimate effort from people on screen.  Hugh Jackman was kind of cool in this role and there wasn't that much else I could really say about it.  It was a bad film that I pretty much enjoy.

6. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

I know that when it comes to making 40 page children's books into full length movies, you have to add more conflict to the plot than just some grumpy Muppet reject stealing Christmas from a bunch of overly perfect people.  But you can't just make the Who's a bunch of assholes who constantly think that materialism will bring them together when in the book they were above that.  Maybe you can have one selfish ass who could try to make everyone buy things and make money off of this holiday.  But you also CANNOT have Jim Carrey just be a pop culture reference flinging spastic moron throughout the movie.  Can't a Seuss movie do something right?

That being said, I still find Jim Carrey is amusing in some instances in this film, and I do like that they gave Cindy Lou Who some more backstory, but that was never enough to save this stinker.  And yet, I watch it whenever it's on.  What's wrong with me?

5. BASEketball (1998)

I first saw this movie before I came to truly appreciate what a wonder and marvel South Park was.  So, when I first saw this as a 9 or 10 year old, I didn't like it.  And I have good reason: it's a really stupid movie.  I don't know how Trey Parker and Matt Stone were able to make this movie.

And after watching this again a month ago, now a truly converted South Park fan, and I am now able to appreciate things I didn't understand or like as a 9 year old.  The fact that they actually got renowned baseball announcers Al Michaels and Bob Costas to act the way they do in this movie is downright ingenious.  And the stupid sports movie cliches are still prevalent in this movie, but I find the humorous scenes in this movie just too damn good to ignore.

4. The Black Cauldron (1985)

I have already gone on the record over how much this film was the single biggest missed opportunity in not only Disney history, but also one of the biggest in cinematic history.  The Chronicles of Pyrdain is still my all time favorite fantasy series (I've read both Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings), and this film did those great books no justice whatsoever.  Taran is an obstinate Anakin Skywalker knock off who never truly learns a lesson, Princess Eilonwy and the other characters get no time for character development, and over half of the main cast of the two books this movie covers (The Book of Three and The Black Cauldron), are no where to be found.  This includes: Prince Gwydion, Arawn Death-Lord, Queen Achren, Coll, Medwyn, High King Math, Adaon, Prince Ellidyr, King Smoit, Glew, King Morgant, among several others.

But this was my first take on what a REAL fantasy film was.  I first saw this film when I was about 4 years old and I loved it.  Now, I'm old enough to realize the bad things in it, but I also can shrug several of them off fairly quickly.  The Black Cauldron was the only real Fantasy movie I saw until The Fellowship of the Ring came out.  And that is an honor that I cannot bestow upon most films.

3. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)

You could fill the Pacific Ocean and still not have enough room to cram in the amount of absolute pigshit this film is.  There is no doubt in my mind that almost everything that happened to this project was at some point a decent idea that George Lucas ultimately ruined in an effort to sell billions of toys to stupid kids like me.  Sorry, Jorge.  We're not all stupid (though I did own at least 5 lightsabers in my life time).

The acting is terrible, the camera framing is terrible, the dialogue is a mess, the fact that George thought we'd care about the politics of this world when we could give two shits about American politics astounded me, and the movie is so unevenly paced that you could literally put me in a completely random scene in this movie and I wouldn't have a clue what was going on or who I was supposed to root for or against.

That said, I'd be lying if I didn't enjoy watching this film simply out of the joy of mocking it.  With the exception of Liam Neeson as Qui-Gon, no other character attempts to stand out or give me hope for the future of Star Wars in any sense.

And need I mention Jar Jar?  Meesa no think so.

2. Man of Steel (2013)

I never grew up with the Christopher Reeve/ Richard Donner Superman films, nor did I really grow up with the animated series.  To me, Man of Steel provided me with a decent albeit rushed backstory to one of the most iconic super heroes in American history.

That is...until I saw the Richard Donner films.  And while I do think that those films are vastly superior to Man of Steel, people have to admit they have their own ridiculous moments.  No Superman movie will be without those ridiculous and clunky moments.  It's impossible to think otherwise.

Again, with that said, there was a strong sense that Zack Snyder was going out of his way to make his rendition of Superman more like a Michael Bay Transformer movie.  Superman caused far more damage to both Smallville and Metropolis in his run at protecting the planet he called home from Zod.

Then again, this is a new interpretation of Superman that will always have people comparing them to the originals.  The same was said of Batman Begins when it first came out.  And while this film is no Batman Begins, there do give some decent answers to often unanswered questions, such as why doesn't Superman not kill people.  I would think that Superman not killing people would go beyond just his easy going personality and other things.  And besides, do people really think that Superman could have stopped General Zod without killing him?  The Richard Donner film didn't exactly answer that clearly.

1. Pearl Harbor (2001)

Please hear me out.  I hate this movie.  I cannot stand how Michael Bay attempted to copy Titanic with over the top nonsense and heavily loaded cliche nonsense.  In fact, I have no excuse to say what I like in this movie.  I have nothing to say about this movie.  Literally nothing.  But when I see that this movie is on TV, I will watch it.  I have nothing to defend this movie with, I have no reason to say why I like this movie, or at least not a good one.  I don't know.  I just don't know what to believe in anymore.


Do you guys have any Pearl Harbors?  Or do you have reasons to defend your guilty pleasure?  Feel free to leave a comment below and say what your...ugh...Pearl Harbor is.

Film Review #88: WALL-E

Out of all years of film I've been alive for, I don't think I saw more movies than in the year 2008.  After all, 2008 had a couple of REALLY good movies come out, also including a couple of mediocre but still passable films in my eyes:

Iron Man
The Dark Knight
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
Hancock
Bolt
Quantum of Solace
Kung Fu Panda 
etc.

That being said, I went into WALL-E, not knowing what to expect.  I had heard from a friend that this was the best animated film since The Lion King, while I heard from another that it was really kinda corny.  My curiosity was piqued, so I went into the theater expecting either the most cheesy and flawed film ever, or one of the most ambitious and marvelous animated films of all time.  THANK GOD I got the latter.  WALL-E is among one of the greatest films of all time.  It combines pure innocence with a single little robot falling in love, with a symbolic future of things that can still happen to people here on Earth damaging their environment beyond repair.  This was the first animated film I'd seen in a long time that I wouldn't stop talking about after I saw it.  It is a sheer masterpiece in every meaning of the word.

PLOT: Set in the far off future, Earth has been abandoned by the humans, who ventured off into space in a massive space station after hundreds of years of pollution and environmental damaging have made the planet uninhabitable.  But they sent off several robots to clean up the planet, with all but one ultimately wearing down and dying.  WALL-E continues to clean and follow his pre-programmed orders, that is until he encounters and falls in love with another robot named EVE.  The two robots discover life on earth, in the form of a plant in an old shoe.

EVE takes the plant into space, closely followed by WALL-E.  We then find out what happened to all of the humans.  They got really really fat, and have been forced to rely on robots in this super space station that caters to their every whim.  It's now up to WALL-E to get the plants to the humans in time to prove to them that people could live on earth again.

What's Bad?: There are a couple of things that are flawed in this film, but for the most part, they're kind of nitpicky.  The rotoscoping that was done on the humans was a bit of a head scratcher, mainly because of how well the humans looked in both The Incredibles and Ratatouille.  Then, they have some scenes that look like they were in live action, which is also kind of distracting.

What's Good?: Pixar does it's best when they get us to care for characters that we wouldn't ordinarily care for.  Be it a monster under our beds, a clownfish, or an old man (I'll get to that film next time), Pixar knows how to get us to care for things we wouldn't bat an eyelash at.  The relationship between WALL-E and EVE is one of the most heartfelt and loving relationships in animation history.  And it didn't involve a prince or princess.

The entire first half of this movie is perfect.  I cannot find a flaw with it.  It leaves us in mystery over what happened to the humans, and the naivete and innocence of WALL-E is really refreshing.

The animation is some of the finest Pixar's ever done.  Even including epic animation like in Finding Nemo and Toy Story 2 is pale in comparison to this film.  And while the human animation is a bit odd, the movement and depth of movement through outer space is almost as believable as the ocean scenes in Nemo.
Overall: WALL-E is a sheer masterpiece.  I don't think I can say much more with how good this film is.  The Oscar wins, the box office, and many other things have shown that this film is a landmark in the history of animation and a well put together film that can contend with some of the best animated films of all time.  End of discussion.

Final Grade: A+

Film Review #87: Ratatouille

I have very mixed feelings with this film.  While I don't think it's bad, I don't think that it's at the top of Pixar's game either.  That's the way the general public on average feels about the three films between Finding Nemo and Wall-e.  Being the finale in this trilogy of "meh", Ratatouille has an assortment of strange yet functioning ideas that still keep Pixar more unique than it's competition, combined with some likable characters and a few funny jokes here and there.  While it will certainly entertain the children, it probably won't entertain that many from my generation or older.  

PLOT: Set in modern day Paris, a rat named Remy has a strong desire to get away from eating garbage and learn how to cook like humans.  When the owner of a famous restaurant sadly passes, and it is left in the hands of a greedy little Chef Louie that only wants to profit from the name rather than make quality food.  

One day, when Remy is sneaking around in the kitchen, he accidentally starts mixing the soup together, until being caught by a young chef named Linguini.  But everyone in the restaurant seems to love the soup, so Linguini is hired to be the head of the soup.  Instead of killing Remy, Linguini decides to keep him around so that he could keep his job and hopefully learn from him.  From there, the story gets kind of complicated, involving something about Linguini being the rightful owner of the restaurant, to trying to impress this food critic.  To be perfectly honest, I don't exactly get it.

What's Bad?: There isn't anything REALLY bad in this movie, but there are some things that aren't interesting.  For example, I never really cared about any of the main characters outside of Remy, and I found the Chef Louie guy kind of a weak villain.  I just expect the finest out of Pixar, considering the only amount of decency I could get from Disney at this time was in their DVD releases.

What's Good?: I thought that the animation of the humans was kind of cool.  It was in stark contrast to the animation style of the previous few films that had humans, and I thought it was quite refreshing.  

While the story also gets REALLY confusing (even for a guy who follows Christopher Nolan movies well), the story still stays true to the Pixar tradition.  It isn't contrived or formulamatic like other animated films were at the time (Meet the Robinsons, Shrek the Third), and it is able to hook a general audience because the main character is reasonably likable.  

Overall: Ratatouille is a reasonably charming film and while it's not on par with the finest animated films made, it's still manages to be a well thought out and organized animated adventure.  See it, if you want.

Final Grade:  B

Film Review #86: Cars

What did I just watch?  I mean it.  This is what I said after watching this film for the first time with my cousins on Christmas Day 2006.  Of all of the films that Pixar and Disney have come out with over  the years, none of them have perplexed me more than this one.  After all, with their success with The Incredibles, Pixar seemed to finally master the animation of people.  They didn't look that wooden and flimsy like they did in Toy Story.  But to have Pixar do a 180 and make a film to market (Ya know, like Disney would), it's really depressing.  Cars has signaled the beginning of the end for Pixar.  While great films like Wall-e and Up were still in the pipeline and ready to go, we all knew that the days of innocent little Pixar just making films for the sake of making good films was over.  Disney had moved in, and the new dark age of animation was about to begin...

PLOT: Set in a world with talking cars (which raise so many questions I'll get to later), one of the best and fastest cars is Lightning McQueen.  McQueen hopes to be the best race car in the entire world by competing at the Los Angeles International Speedway.  But when an accident forces him out into the world alone, he recklessly zooms through a town called Radiator Springs, causing damage to the pavement.  He's ordered to repair it, ultimately giving us "Slumdog Millionaire" in the car world.  He meets new cars, becomes friends with an assortment of "colorful" characters (Larry the Cable Guy, George Carlin, Cheech Marin), and learns a new appreciation for hard work and the country lifestyle.

What's Bad?: There are so many questions that have been unanswered.  Here are my questions:

1. If the world is all cars, how were all of the landmarks and structures built?
2. Why would the cars have doors if no people drive them?
3. Why was this movie made?
4. How are new cars made, and what do they do with the old ones?
5. How are some cars able to be race cars and others supposed to be cows or something?
6. How was this greenlighted as a Pixar Film?  Why not go off and blame the DisneyToon Studios like with that horrible Plane movie?

I could keep going, but I think my list speaks for itself.

Then, of course, you have the boring and predictable storyline about the hotshot who gets dragged down to appreciate the value of hard work.  It's kind of like Pocahontas, where you could have done something different with the source material, but give us a lazy and not thought out story.

What's Good?: Some of the jokes work, I guess.  And some of the side characters are kind of engaging, but the main leads are a bit of a drag to sit through.  I especially didn't like Larry the Cable Guy as Mater, and was equally stunned that he got the starring role in the sequel...

Overall: For Pixar, this was a HUGE step backward.  They would have to outdo themselves considerably to keep the Animation Crown away from DReamworks.  The results?  Well, check me out in le ratatouille...

Final Grade: D

Aladdin: Broadway's New Musical Comedy

Today, you guys are in for a real treat.  I debated whether or not to put this in STAR WARS MONTH, but since Disney owns both of these properties, I feel compelled to reveal my opinion regardin Broadway's newest hit.  Based off of the animated film of the same name, Aladdin is among one of the finer Broadway shows you will ever see.  I can honestly say I have never been as entertained going to see a show on Broadway than I was when I saw this marvel for the eyes.  And if any of you out there think that I am being incredibly biased towards this out of my love for everything and anything Aladdin, then please note that I went into this with little optimism outside of being excited to see Jonathan Freeman reprise his role as Jafar.  What I got was a show that has a very good chance at winning many Tony Awards next month.

PLOT: Once again set in the mythical kingdom of Agrabah, a group of thieves named Aladdin, Babkak, Omar, and Kassim run amok throughout the streets stealing and conning to survive.  One day, Aladdin comes across a beautiful woman in the market and attempts to woo her, most of his attempts failing.  But when Aladdin shows her the limitless potential they could have together, they begin to fall in love.  Aladdin is captured by the guards, who ridicule the girl, until she reveals herself to be the Princess Jasmine.

The guards are about to drag Aladdin away, but a mysterious hooded figure rescues him, claiming to be his uncle.  The man reveals himself to be Jafar, a sorcerer in search of a magic lamp that only Aladdin can get to.  He offers to help her win the Princess' heart, but plans to double cross him in the cave.  But the Cave of Wonders collapses before he can get the lamp to the sorcerer.  When examining the lamp, Aladdin unleashes the Genie, who prepares to grant him 3 wishes.  With this, Aladdin not only hopes to finally amount to something in his mother's eyes, but to win the heart of the Princess.  But he must beware of Jafar, who schemes to take the lamp away for himself.

What's Bad?: There were a few things that I was surprised that the show cut.  For instance, the climax occurs in about 5 minutes, without Jafar transforming into the giant snake.  There are other minor things like this, but they hardly detract from the show.  I thought that I would be distracted that the actor portraying Iago wasn't a parrot, but he was humorous enough to carry his scenes with Jafar.

The biggest flaw in the show is the distinct lack of dramatic scenes involving Jafar.  I thought Jonathan Freeman was going to carry the show on his back, but he wasn't in that many scenes.  I thought they would have added new scenes, like the musical numbers "Why Me?" and "Humiliate the Boy", where Jafar uses the Genie to humiliate Aladdin and win his way to power.  Then again, they keep the focus where it needs to be, on the three main leads: Aladdin, Jasmine, and of course the Genie.

What's Good?: I was afraid that the new songs were going to hinder the speed of the show, like The Little Mermaid's did.  The show added a few songs locked away in the Disney Vault.  "Proud of Your Boy" and "Babkak, Aladdin, Omar, Kassim" were added from the original treatment written by Howard Ashman prior to his tragic death.  And the new songs, particularly "A Million Miles Away", add to the story and are some of the best songs written for a Broadway show in a long time.  As for the old songs we know and love, they are still here and cannot leave your head as soon as you hear them.

But the single biggest reason to see this show is for James Monroe Iglehart's performance as the Genie.  I never expected anyone to be able to contend with Robin Williams for the role of the Genie, but Iglehart adds more to a character everyone once thought untouchable.  He is hilarious and steals the thunder away from Aladdin and Jasmine in almost every scene he's in.

I also loved how much the show would make fun of elements people would be mad that didn't make it into the show.  For instance, Abu was replaced with the three thieves mentioned above.  But in one scene in particular (I won't spoil it), they make fun of the fact that Abu isn't in the show.  Then, they have Jafar constantly referring to Iago in bird phrases ("What are you squwaking about?").

Jonathan Freeman is the only actor who comes close to stealing Iglehart's thunder.  Although Jafar is not in that many scenes, he is still one of the best Disney Baddies of all time for a reason.

The set design and choreography are absolutely legendary.  I don't think even Lion King had that much rapidly paced choreography.  The set design doesn't steal attention from the leads and often just sets the tone for the scene well.  The moody scenes are shaded in reds and purples, while the bright scenes are illuminated in blues and yellows.

Overall: While maybe not as potent as The Lion King or Wicked, Aladdin still manages to be the most entertaining two and a half hours you'll ever have in New York.  I highly reccomend this show to all of you out there.  This may be the first keeper Disney has had on Broadway since The Lion King.  Go see it, guys.  You won't regret it!

Final Grade: A++

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HdwdptrmQQ

Film Review #85: Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

How on earth could George Lucas possibly top The Empire Strikes Back?  Or more bluntly, how could he possibly finish his most cherished product and give it an ending it deserves?  Return of the Jedi had quite a bit of pressure on it to deliver something big.  And through it all, was Return of the Jedi able to meet the expectations of the original and it's breathtaking sequel.  Well...why on earth would I create a disease known as "Return of the Jedi syndrome" if it did?  And yet, I still love this movie.  It gave us a fun adventure and the redemption of Darth Vader was worth sitting through the boring scenes in Jabba's palace.

PLOT: Set a year after The Empire Strikes Back, Luke enlists his friends on a rescue mission to save Han Solo from the clutches of Jabba the Hutt.  The plan is overly complicated, leaving almost everyone in the dark about the situation and makes little to no sense in the realms of logic, but it did give us an entertaining battle, so I guess the good outweighs the bad.

Luke then travels to Dagobah to finish his training with Yoda, but learns that Yoda is dying and that Luke must complete his journey to defeat Darth Vader and the Emperor on his own, despite there being another Skywalker.  When returning to the Rebellion, they learn that the Emperor is overseeing the final stages of the construction of an even more powerful Death Star.  Han enlists their help in going to the forest moon of Endor to disable the deflector shields around the Death Star so the Rebels could destroy it and save the galaxy once and for all.

Meanwhile, Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine plot about trying to turn Luke to the Dark Side of the Force, while Luke desperately attempts to find some sort of light and hope left within the shell of a man once called Anakin Skywalker...

What's Bad?: As I previously stated in my "Return of the Jedi Syndrome" post, the film was not supposed to be this lighthearted adventure movie.  In fact, when George Lucas and Gary Kurtz began developing the trilogy, they intended to make the ending very bittersweet.  But both began to realize they wanted different things with the franchise moving forward: Kurtz wanted the films to drive the industry, while Lucas wanted the industry to drive the film.  What do I mean by that?  Well, by now, Lucas was more influenced by the gross receipts and toy sales of his films rather than the quality of the films themselves.  Do I even need to bring up the Prequels?

There was also more depth and a strong sense of completion.  The Dark Knight Rises actually gave me the kind of ending I was expecting for this film, but more on that when we reach "Superhero Summer 2015".  For instance, the ending involved the New Republic struggling to keep away the forces of the Empire, while Luke, as the last of the Jedi, sort of rides off into the sunset.

This was the first film that seemed geared towards kids more than the general public.  For instance, the Ewok franchise that took off from this movie, or the increased sales in toy sales.  NO I WILL NOT REVIEW THOSE PIGSHIT AWFUL EWOK MOVIES!

What's Good?: This film actually keeps in the tradition of the first two in several areas despite the lack of vision of George.  Because we have gotten to know the characters, it's a little sad to watch the whole story come to an end.  We've seen Luke, Leia, and even Han mature significantly in these movies, from idealistic farmboys and self absorbed smugglers, to true heroes with nobility and honor.

The best part of this movie is the redemption of Darth Vader.  For most of us, Darth Vader is the epitome of evil.  There are none out there who could resist the allure of power that Vader emitted.  Than, to learn that this monster was actually Luke's dad, famed Jedi Anakin Skywalker?  That was enough of a mindblow in Empire.  But we learn more about Vader, that he does in fact care about Luke and does consider the thought of leaving the Dark Side.  But he has been so immersed in it, that he feels he cannot give up the power and most bring Luke over as well.

All throughout the movie, we keep hearing that Luke has two choices: To destroy Vader and the Emperor, or to join them and allow the galaxy to plunge into eternal darkness.  But Luke decides to invent a third alternative path.  He chooses not to destroy Vader, but to show him the light by throwing away his life for him.  By choosing to pass on the Dark Side, thereby showing how horrible the Emperor is, he shows his father that anyone can resist the darkness and become a hero.

Overall: This film was pretty damn entertaining.  It wasn't too lighthearted, though the ending was a bit corny.  Lucas completed his trilogy and completed the final stages of growth for his fans who sat and watched A New Hope when they were kids.  They began to take their steps into adulthood, struggled with the truths of reality, and yet fought on to see through to the dawn that shined through the darkness.  A solid film and a good payoff to a legendary trilogy.

Final Grade:  A-

Rant of the Month (May 2014): Frozen is NOT The Lion King...

Do not get me wrong when I post this.  Frozen was by far the best Disney film since The Hunchback of Notre Dame and it deserves to be talked about in the highest regards among some of the finest animated films ever made.  The songs are great, the story solid, and the characters are lovable.

That being said...

FROZEN is not the "be all and end all" of ANIMATION!!!!!!!

It is indeed the first film Disney has put out in a long time.  We haven't had a film this entertaining in a long time.  But this film will never be as good as the films that preceded it.  Of course, I'm talking about The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, and of course, The Lion King.  The absolute craze that has been going on throughout the world is extremely tempting and intoxicating to behold.  I myself was on the Frozen for Best Picture bandwagon for quite some time.  But when the craze dies down (If the craze dies down...), we as an audience have to step back and look at the big picture.  Was this film really as good as we made it out to be?  I will admit some of my review was in fact a bit impartial due to me being deeply enveloped in the Frozen craze.  I have listened to "Let It Go" at least half as much as I've listened to either "Circle of Life" or "Friend Like Me".  But we need to let the film take it's time and slowly enshrine itself in the halls of Disney's Finest, like The Lion King.  We cannot let Disney milk this cow completely dry, or else people will not want to even look at this movie again.

1. Frozen was not the first MODERN Disney Fairy Tale


When everybody says that "Frozen was the first film that did this" or whatever, I can quickly go over to my phone and look up a film that did something similar to it prior.  For instance, one girl I had a date with said that "Frozen is the first really modern Disney Fairy Tale."  Have people forgotten the film that premiered on Blu Ray just last Fall?  The Little Mermaid also had it's own craze surrounding it when it came out in 1989.  But when we let the film really go away and rest for a while, we were able to really see how good the film was.  We could see that Ariel was the first really proactive Disney Princess they'd ever had, and we could get behind her dreams because she was so likable.  She had dreams beyond just getting married or whatever.  She wanted to experience a world beyond her reach and take her steps into adulthood.  Did she take missteps?  Of course, but that is what teenagers do.  We make mistakes.

But by no means was Frozen the first MODERN Disney Fairy Tale.  Even Tangled beat this film to the punch.

2. Frozen is the funniest Disney Film...


I found the humor in Frozen to be quite refreshing.  The jokes didn't feel like they were pandering to us as an audience, and that we didn't need that many pop cultural references to make a movie.  But in no ways is this film as remotely funny as Aladdin.  Aladdin was the first true blue Disney Comedy, that paved the way for the films like Ice Age and Shrek.  Josh Gad is in NO WAY Robin Williams.  Shame on people for forgetting this movie!

3. Frozen was the first Disney Film that treated me like an adult...

Yes, I've even heard this one.  While again, Frozen was a film that took a step forward in character development, what was it's comparisons?  Chicken Little?  Meet the Robinsons?  Those were films being released several years before Frozen.  Please note, too, that this is the same girl I went out with from #1.

I could go on with how groundbreakingly adult The Lion King was, but I'm going to try to keep it as short as possible.  People do not deal with death in this movie.  Simba has to literally grieve at his father's corpse as a child no less.  People seem to forget this, too.  Unlike Anna and Elsa's parents, who we don't get to know all too well and our only memory of them is their failed attempts to control Elsa's powers, Mufasa was a parent we all got to know about.  He was a proud king and was fair to most of the subjects in his kingdom.  When he was killed by Scar, we all felt for Simba, not only because we could imagine ourselves in his situation, but also because we knew how strong Simba's relationship to his father was.

In Short...

Frozen needs to go away for awhile so that we can fully appreciate it's majesty.  But since Disney is the ultimate masters at overusing things, I'm willing to bet this isn't going away for a while...

Film Review #84: Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

Lightning rarely strikes twice in Hollywood.  Until 1980, there was hardly any signs of any sequel of a good movie that could match or even surpass the imagination and wondrous splendor of the original.  And after all, Star Wars was the single most successful film of all time in 1980.  To have the thought of a sequel to the greatest film of all time, was a very bold gamble by George Lucas and his people.  George even decided to step back as director and allowed his colleague Irvin Kershner to direct the film.

But, with the character based director at the helm, a much darker and more complex storyline in the works, and even more dazzling special effects, The Empire Strikes Back is not only a vast improvement, but is in heavy discussion as to whether or not this film is the greatest of all time.  I know I would seriously consider this.  After all, this is one of my 5 favorite films of all time.  This film is practically flawless.

PLOT: Three years after the destruction of the Death Star, the Rebels have had to take refuge on the icy planet of Hoth.  After getting wounded by a snowmonster, Luke Skywalker has a vision of Obi-Wan, instructing him to go to the planet of Dagobah and train with the Jedi Master Yoda.  The Empire finds the Rebels and attacks the planet, devastating the Rebels.  Vader begins a relentless pursuit of Luke, but Luke manages to fly away from the Imperial Fleet and make it to Dagobah.

Han Solo and Leia are being chased into space by the Empire, with a damaged Millenium Falcon forcing them to land in an asteroid field after an exciting chase.  Han and Leia begin to fall in love with each other, while trying to find ways to fix the ship.  When Han finds out that the cave they've settled in isn't a cave, they fly off and hide from the fleet.  Solo desperately searches for a safe port, ultimately deciding to pay his old friend Lando Calrissian (Billy Dee Williams) a visit.

Luke and R2-D2 crashland on the swampy marshes of Dagobah and begin their search for Yoda.  Luke encounters a short green alien who agrees to take them to him.  But when Luke loses his patience with the alien, the alien insists that Luke is not ready to become a Jedi.  Realizing that this little guy was in fact Yoda, Luke changes his mind and vows to not fail him.  Throughout his training, Luke learns more about the Force and the powers of the Dark Side, but struggles with understanding the concepts of the Force.  Luke fails many tests Yoda has for him, ultimately having him see a vision of his friends being tormented on Cloud City.  Luke leaves, but vows to return.

Han and Lando's reunion is cut short when Cloud City is revealed to be under Imperial control and the Rebel Heroes are captured.  Vader has Han Solo placed in carbonite freezing, in an effort to see if Luke would survive long enough to be sent to the Emperor and converted to the Dark Side.  Leia and co. are horrified at Han's frozen form, but Lando changed his mind about helping the empire and aids in the Princess's escape.  Despite a valiant effort, Han is taken by the bounty hunter, Boba Fett, to Jabba's Palace on Tatooine. Luke then arrives and duels with Vader, and the most devastating truth about the Skywalker lineage is revealed...

What's Bad?: While not a problem for me, I can see why some people do not like this film.  Mainly, the film is much slower paced than both A New Hope and Return of the Jedi, and it isn't as gung-ho adventurous as the other two films in the saga were.  Some people watch Star Wars for the cheap thrills, and others for the epic special effects and often cite this one as the most boring in terms of those regards, but my opinion on that will come later.

What's Good?: The Empire Strikes Back is the first film that really challenged me as a kid.  It made me begin to see the grey line between both good and evil, allowing all of the characters to experience both the joys of victory, and the emotional torment of defeat.  Known for much smaller "character driven" films like The Eyes of Laura Mars, Kershner was the perfect man to direct the sequel to Star Wars, which Lucas intended to be more character driven.  We get to know Luke and the Rebels more.  We get to see Luke actually begin his serious steps towards becoming a Jedi, something that was more or less glossed over in A New Hope, but wasn't that big a flaw because of the fast pace the film was moving at.  We got to see Luke fail many tests, but continue to learn and progress with each step of the way.

Yoda may be one of the strongest characters written in this movie.  We all went into seeing this film for the first time (if we hadn't seen the Prequels first), expecting Yoda to be this grand general who was strong physically, especially if this was the Jedi Master who taught Obi-Wan.  But Yoda, being this small little creature, allowed us to understand that the Force was more mystical than even Obi-Wan had let on.  If the most powerful Jedi in the galaxy was this 3 foot tall alien, than we can all comprehend that the force is perhaps even beyond our understanding, giving us a feeling of both hope and pride for Luke as he becomes more mature with his powers.

We also learn more about Han Solo and Leia's relationship.  While Luke is off doing his stuff, Han and Leia are forced to be closer than comfortable, but each seeing beyond each other's flaws to see the real person behind their gruff or snobbish exterior.  Their witty banter is the kind of snarky romance I expected Anakin and Padme to have, but was stunned to not get.

The special effects outdo A New Hope by nearly a country mile.  The camera movement is much faster and some of the scenery and layouts are spectacular.  Highlights include the Battle of Hoth (which used miniature walkers with stop motion on a painted background) and the chase in the asteroid field (which actually had the crew use potatoes for the far away asteroids.

The movie is also much deeper and more thought provoking than any other film coming out at that time.  People seem to forget how much the Vader declaration at the end of his duel with Luke caught almost the entire world off-guard.  We also didn't get a happy ending.  The future of both the Jedi and the Rebellion is in doubt as the Rebellion has been scattered across the galaxy, Leia and her friends begin to frantically searching for Han, and Luke is left to question everything he'd learned since becoming a Jedi himself.  Like Toy Story 2, this film made me feel adult even though I first saw it when I was maybe 6 or 7.  I never found this film boring.  In fact, it was the only Star Wars film that I have never fast forwarded through to get to the action scenes.  Every time I watch it, I start from the beginning and I don't stop until I'm finished with it.

Overall: The Empire Strikes Back is one of my all time favorite movies with good reason.  This film may have the distinction of giving me my love for movies.  It reminded me that a film doesn't need to give us clear cut answers about life and duty.  It is the american dream made realized, and I will always thank George Lucas for this one.  This is quite possibly the greatest film ever made, and should be cherished along with many of the other greats for generations to come.

Final Grade: A++

Film Review #83: Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

Finally!  I was worried that the nightmare of the Prequel Trilogy would never end.  But it's over, and now, I get to review arguably the most important film in the last fifty years of film history.  The one that started it all.  When adjusted for inflation, this is still the second most successful film of all time, while also changing the culture of an entire planet practically overnight.  Star Wars, is a milestone in film making, and is right up there with Citizen Kane, Gone With the Wind, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, The Birth of a Nation, and The Wizard of Oz as one of the most important films in cinematic history.

PLOT: During the reign of an evil Galactic Empire, a heroic band of people called the Rebel Alliance struggles to save the galaxy from hopelessness and despair.  While on a special mission, the plans to the Empire's secret weapon, the Death Star, are stolen from the Empire and hidden within a robot called R2-D2.  While the Empire raids and captures a Rebel freighter, R2-D2 and a protocol droid named C-3PO hide within an escape pod, the little droid carrying the plans and a message for long retired Jedi Master, Obi Wan Kenobi (Alec Guinness).

The escape pod lands on the desert planet of Tattooine, where they are bought by a family of moisture farmers, Owen and Beru Lars, and their nephew, Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill).  While cleaning the droids, Luke comes across the transmission left by R2's former owner, Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher), calling for the help of Obi-Wan Kenobi.  That night, R2 runs off to find Kenobi, forcing Luke and Threepio to go after him.  After a skirmish with several sand people (Is that racist nowadays?), Luke meets up with Ben Kenobi (Obi-Wan), who takes them to his house and the old Jedi tells Luke of his ancestry as a Jedi Knight.  He also warns Luke about the Jedi extinction at the hands of the evil Empire and the dark lord Darth Vader, and that the Empire will hunt down the droids.  Luke hurries home, only to find his home destoryed and his aunt and uncle killed by the Empire.  With nowhere else to go, Luke goes off with Obi-Wan to follow in his father's footsteps and become a Jedi.

In the city of Mos Eisley, the two come across the smuggler Han Solo (Harrison Ford), who agrees to take them to Princess Leia's home planet of Alderaan, while also promising his boss Jabba the Hutt to pay off his debts with the fund's he's allocating.  But the team finds that Alderaan was destroyed by the Death Star, and that they are being dragged in by a tractor beam.  While Obi-Wan goes off to find a way to reverse the Tractor Beam, Luke and Han go off to rescue Princess Leia.

After rescuing Leia from the detention cells, the heroes arrive in the main hanger where Han's ship, the Millenium Falcon, is docked, only to see Obi-Wan fall in his lightsaber duel with Darth Vader.  The rebels escape the Death Star, and frantically fly to the Rebel Base to find a way to destroy the Death Star before the Empire dooms them all.

What's Bad?: I guess a critic of this film could say that the acting is kind of clunky.  You can hear Carrie Fisher alternating between a British accent and an American one.  With the exceptions of Alec Guinness as Obi-Wan, each of the actors have their moments of awkwardness.  But it's a minor flaw at worst.

What's Good?: There is so much that goes right for this film that I could go for days describing the finest parts of this movie, one of the best all time and one of my all time favorites (easily cracks my Top 20 all time).  Let's start with the groundbreaking special effects created by Industrial Light and Magic.  Star Wars revolutionized the Special Effects  used in motion pictures and made movies fun for the whole family, in an era where the feel good family films were very minimal.  Every single shot in this film that uses a practical effect with camerawork and precise timing has set a standard for all special effects used in the future films (except ironically George's Prequel films).  The two greatest moments of special effects in the movie are the opening shot of the Imperial Star Destroyer chasing the small rebel ship, which may be the single greatest shot in motion picture history.  The second is the entire Battle of Yavin, which uses trick camera illusions and models to show the desperation and fighting spirit of the Rebels as most of the rebel fleet is annihilated in their efforts to destroy the Death Star. 

All of the actors in this movie fit the bill, but the strongest performance was by Alec Guinness as the Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi.  In arguably his most famous film role, Guinness is able to become the archetypal mentor figure to Luke Skywalker, that probably gave influence to Ian McKellan's performance as Gandalf the Grey in Lord of the Rings, Liam Neeson's role as Aslan in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, and Sir Michael Gambon's role as Dumbledore in Harry Potter.  He is wise, powerful, and always looking out for Luke's wellbeing as a foster father to him.

The story is virtually flawless.  Unlike the Prequel Saga, which was hurriedly rushed and clumsily put together, George spent nearly two years drafting the script and trying his hardest to make this film as perfect as humanly possible.  When he felt that the script was too political and confusing, he changed it and simplified it down to it's essential moments.  There aren't any glaring plot holes, nor are their any boring political meetings and dull moments, and all of the scenes where there could be, something important and dire to the plot is given to us.  This, my friends, is how good the Prequel Films could have been had someone been there to tell George his ideas and visions were awful.

Overall: Star Wars may very well be most important film of the last fifty years.  But the most important part about this film is the amount of impact this film has had on Pop Culture.  It is a rare film that impacted pop culture in a truly positive way, and is one of the greatest films of all time.  This film is an absolute MUST SEE for any moviegoer.  It is an absolute gem.

Final Grade:  A+

Film Review #82: Star Wars: The Clone Wars

I almost wasn't going to consider this movie when doing Star Wars Month, but since the film got a theatrical release, I didn't have much of a choice.  I didn't want to count this for two reasons: firstly, the fact that this film is animated.  Secondly, the fact that the only way we could recognize any of these characters is because they call each other the names we know and loathe from the Prequel Saga.  Star Wars: The Clone Wars isn't nearly as awful as the others, but there is a specific amount of annoyance with it that panders to children and fanboys that wouldn't know any of these characters or settings.  Then, you add the pointless factors of the plot, but more on that later.

PLOT: The galaxy is in the middle of the great Clone Wars.  Anakin and Obi-Wan battle on various planets that no one has heard of and don't particularly care about.  While under a temporary ceasefire, Anakin and Obi-Wan meet Ashoka Tano, who is named Anakin's new apprentice.  After a short adventure of battling droids, the Jedi learn that Jabba the Hutt's son (WHAT?") has been kidnapped and that Jabba has offered the Republic his support if they find his son.

While the Jedi set out to rescue the little Hutt, they encounter an evil plot revolving around Count Dooku and his own plans regarding Jabba and the Jedi

What's Bad?: There isn't much to say about this film.  It's really just a pointless film.  It actually raises more questions than it answers about the universe, and none of the characters learn or change through it.  For example, we meet Anakin's apprentice.  Who is she?  Why was she not brought up in Revenge of the Sith or any of the books and novelizations before this?  What happened to her when Anakin became Darth Vader?  Then you have the whole Jabba storyline that goes nowhere.  It changes nothing in the saga and adds little to nothing but an additional two paragraphs to Jabba's page on Wookiepedia.

Then, you see the complete ass-raping they did to Anakin's character.  And while some would say that that is a stark improvement over f***ing Hayden Christiansen's horrid performance, I actually think this performance is even worse.  Not in terms of acting range, but just by the fact that this character is perhaps completely different from the Anakin George had established in the Prequel Saga.

Then, you have the horrible performances of Samuel L. Jackson and even Christopher Lee, reprising their roles in this film for no reason whatsoever.  They sound like they were quickly rushed into the recording, than swiftly left for their paychecks.  What was the point of having them in this movie if they were quickly replaced in the series?

Unlike the previous Clone Wars series, the movements in the lightsaber duels seems very wooden and stale to me.  It doesn't feel like people dueling, but more like a crappy SNES Star Wars game of dueling, where they swing every 2 to 3 seconds.

What's Good?: At least we got a decent series out of it, decent if not overblown.

Overall: This film is the perfect example of a "Film Fart".  It happened, it was pretty bad, it passed, and now no one remembers it.  The series we got was pretty good, but I think we could have gotten something better.  Especially since the series finale wasn't the Battle of Coruscant like the last one was.  Nevertheless, the film was pointless, but not terrible.  Kids will like it, but the casual moviegoer most likely won't.

Final Grade: C-