Top 10 Rides at Walt Disney World

        As we approach the Holiday Season, for some weird reason, I have been longing for another trip to "The Most Magical Place on Earth".  It could perhaps be that the last time I was within the confines of this most bewitching and delightful of places, was the Holiday Season of 2011, when I spent Christmas and New Years beside Mickey, Minnie, Pooh, Genie, Ariel, among an assortment of other characters from my childhood.  It could also be due to the miserable 2017 I have endured, a year that never seemed to improve no matter how brutal a situation I encountered.  It could also be due to using my Pandora Account to listen to the Disneyland Legacy Collection endlessly, tuning in to the familiar tunes of the Briar Patch, the whistles of the Steamboat Willie, and the exciting Fantasmic! spectacular at both Disneyland and Walt Disney World. 

      Well, unluckily for me, I am unable to venture off on a journey to Florida to revisit my days as a little boy this year, and barring me winning the lottery, it remains the same odds for 2018.  However, I have been fortunate enough to go to this great place four times in my life time (2000, 2005, 2007, and 2011).  I have many upon many fond memories of being there with family and friends (from an Uncle taking us on our own "Wild Ride" when his distraught kids, niece and nephew learned that "Mr. Toad's Wild Ride" was closed down a year before we came, to falling through the tracks at Thunder Mountain as a six year old (this seriously did happen, fortunately I only got a little scraped and bruised, though I did get a Simba stuffed animal I still have to this day), to spending an entire day with my childhood crush at Epcot, to golfing with my mother at the Fantasia Gardens, to even managing to cut lines at Magic Kingdom when my sister hurt herself at the park (they paid for her wheelchair and even gave us two days of permanent tickets we could use whenever we wanted to avoid a potential lawsuit).  I saw characters that only existed on my TV come to life, saw stunt shows, and spent at least $1000 of my parents money on useless souvenirs I doubt I even have anymore.  But hands down the most memorable time spent at the Walt Disney World Resort in Lake Buena Vista, Florida was on the many rides that have encompassed themselves within the four theme parks and two water parks within the enormous 27,000 acre property Walt himself purchased before his death in 1966.   Seeing as how I am slowly recovering from a brutal year that taxed me more than I ever thought a year before marriage and children would, I figured I would go back to a much better time in my life and recount for you all my Top 10 Favorite Rides at Walt Disney World.  Please note this list is all opinion based and may not necessarily reflect your personal opinions.  With that said, let's kick this list off with a few honorable mentions:

"The Flying Carpets of Aladdin" - No real reason, but I do have a personal affinity for the Aladdin franchise and I definitely prefer this to the ride it was cloned from: "Dumbo the Flying Elephant"

"Mission SPACE" - Truth be told, I never managed to go on this ride due to my sister's intense claustrophobia, but I was caught completely off guard when I realized my crush had grabbed my hand and held on when the ride was about to begin.  In fact, she didn't let go until her sister started teasing us about it.  So, obviously, this was good memory for me :D

"Jungle Cruise" - This was the closest I had ever been to "wild animals" I had ever been and would cherish this memory for two whole days before I went to Animal Kingdom...

"Pirates of the Caribbean" - Having the boyhood dream of wanting to be a pirate at the height of the Pirate's franchise's popularity, this certainly made a few dreams come true for me. 

"Snow White's Scary Adventures" - This Dark Ride no longer exists in the Magic Kingdom, though it was always my favorite for a few bizarre reasons, chiefly because of my sister's absolute refusal to let me finish Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs until we were 6 or 7, so I finally saw the whole film...well technically...

"Primeval Whirl" - Was not expecting a fun Roller Coaster like this to pop up in Animal Kingdom, but I have never had a bad experience on this spinning ride of madness and chaos (but never put me on the Mad Tea Cups). 



10. The Backlot Tour 

Going to Walt Disney World with my sister was always a double-edge sword.  On the one hand, you would definitely have a memorable ride on the thrill rides (some of which I will get to later), but on the other hand she was insufferable when it came to doing the non-rides, so things like The Art of Animation show, the Walt Disney Biographical Museum, and other shows and events were never on the radar when she was with us.  So, in 2011, when it was just my mother and I on this trip, we were able to do things we were never able to do before, including taking a trip on the Backlot Tour, where my Mother volunteered her and I to take part in one of the stunt events (where I got drenched with water during a special effects storm).  While I was embarrassed at first, I realized while we were doing it that this was one of those once in a lifetime opportunities that I could not pass up.  I thoroughly enjoyed the whole tour, exploring through movie artifacts (many of which were from properties Disney did not own as of that point such as Star Wars and Indiana Jones), being a big movie buff myself.  Unfortunately, the phone that I had all the pictures I took from this trip was damaged and they were lost.  Adding insult to injury, this ride no longer exists thanks to Star Wars Land being built, but at least my Mom and I will have memories. 

9. The Haunted Mansion

I've never had issues with dealing with scary things in my lifetime, mostly due to my personal fears being more introverted than extroverted.  While my cousins and sister shivered at the sheer thought of going inside a ride literally called "The Haunted Mansion", I was able to convince them it would be a fun ride.  This ride is Disney Imagineering at it's finest, with specters that phase in and out of existence every second, but nothing too scary to frighten the little ones.  The soundtrack was also eerie yet playful.  While you're always on guard in this mysterious dwelling for specters, there is no denying the immense fun to be had in this Disney Classic.  If only they made a good movie based on it...

8. Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin

If ever I had a bigger dream than being a pirate, than it was to become a Space Ranger like Buzz Lightyear.  While I'll never be able to fly through outer space shooting lasers or exploring dangerous new planets, this ride in Tomorrow Land definitely gives me a look into what it would be like.  You and a friend/rival/loved one enter a space ship and try to earn more points than your partner by shooting more targets than he/she.  This has caused intense rivalries to flare up, including one that will likely never be resolved between me and NoblePanda (who has never been to Disney World the same time I was).  You don't truly win more than bragging rights in this ride, but to even have the slightest taste of what being a Space Ranger was is more than enough to crack my list. 

7. Kilimanjaro Safari 

While Jungle Cruise was my first excited time seeing animals in their, ahem, "natural habitats", this ride swept me off of my feet and still does to this day.  Jumping into a Safari Jeep, you are guided through a wildlife preserve carefully made to resemble one of the wildlife preserves in Africa.  You can see Giraffes, Elephants, Cheetahs, Rhinos, Hippos, and Lions, with some even coming within sniffing distance of you.  While it will never be exactly the same as going to Africa on an actual Safari, I can safely say that as a big Lion King fanatic, this definitely will never dip below this spot on the list at any point. 

6. Test Track 

While ghosts and goblins have never truly intimidated me, going ridiculously fast (my parents were always safe drivers before my sister and I turned 10) on this test driving course at Epcot definitely made me a little more weary of cars than before.  But since then, "Test Track" has become a must ride attraction each time we go to Disney World, as the thrills of travelling that fast on the track now make my adrenaline pump to never before felt levels (this would change after riding monstrous rides like The Griffon in Busch Gardens and Kingda Ka at Six Flags).  The Tomorrow Land Speedway may always be a special ride, but this one took the cake for me personally.  I just wish I had been able to go on by myself once, but the lines were either too long or I was too young to be able to go like that on my own.  One of these days, I hope. 

5. Dinosaur 

Remember how I said going on rides with my sister could always be a memorable experience?  This ride in Animal Kingdom was definitely one of those truly memorable rides to go on with her.  While you are in a time travelling jeep looking for an Iguanadon reminiscent of Aladar from the movie Dinosaur, you come across a variety of those prehistoric beasts Dino Land USA is so used to having.  The first time we went on this ride, however, our truck got a little too close to the Carnotaur (pictured to the left), and the beast plucked a scrunchie out of my sister's hair.  Naturally, she was devastated when we left the ride, but there was little my parents or the park could do for her.  She simply let her hair down for the rest of the humid day at the park, but has never let us live it down since.  This ride is always a blast to go on whenever we find ourselves in Animal Kingdom. 

4. The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror

I think this ride forever prevented me from being intimidated by all other rides.  Because this ride did leave me in a messy pile of tears with my Mom and aunt while the others went on Rock N Roller Coaster.  Despite this utter feeling of dread being stuck in this free falling elevator, there are few if any true thrills to find in the Walt Disney World Resort that can top the Tower of Terror in Disney's Hollywood Studios.  Seeing as how every drop and ascent is randomly selected by the computer operating the ride, you never have the same ride twice.  Unpredictability combined with the notion of free falling makes for a ride unlike any attempted before it, though many other free fall rides have attempted it. 

3. Expedition Everest

While I have never been to Disneyland in California, I am unafraid to admit when they have it better than we do over here on the East Coast.  They have the Indiana Jones Ride, Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, and several Dark Rides I would have loved to have in Walt Disney World.  With that said, I think Disney World won the contest of the Mountain Battles.  While Disneyland has the Matterhorn, Disney World has Expedition Everest, one of the most monstrous and exciting roller coasters Disney has ever made.  With almost complete vertical drops, a separate track that runs backwards, and a huge mountain face larger than any building in all of Disney World.  This ride is nothing short of a marvel and I am proud to have gone on it multiple times in two separate trips. 

2. Space Mountain 

I had to reserve a space for the first roller coaster I was ever on.  Firsts for me hold more water than one would think, but it's not as if Space Mountain has not held up after all the years it's been since I first got on board the ship in 2000.  In this ride, you are "launched" to the moon in a rocket ship that zooms throughout the stars before landing on a "space station".  As is tradition in my family, Space Mountain is always the first ride we go on whenever we go to Magic Kingdom.  Because this ride is a staple for so many in our family.  What better way to show off the wonder of Walt Disney World than to have our first ride be one so good and memorable?  I can see only one ride ever being more entertaining and memorable in our family than Space Mountain...

1. Splash Mountain 

There are a plethora of reasons to have Splash Mountain top all the other rides on this list.  I have ridden this ride far more times than any other ride in Walt Disney World with the possible exception of Space Mountain or the Buzz Lightyear Space Ranger Spin.  It was the ride to wash away my frown after falling through the tracks at Thunder Mountain.  It was the ride we spent the most time on in our first "After Hours" experience when the park was closed to all but people staying on the Disney property.  It could also be my childish desire to find something Song of the South related, as it was such a memorable ride, yet I could never find a single hint of it's existence on video anywhere here in America.  Regardless of the reason I could choose, all of them combined make Splash Mountain a delight no matter how many times I ride it in one trip (or in one day), and always makes me leave the ride in a better mood than I was when I got on line. 

Chapter 15 (SORA): The Well of the Gods

Chapter 15 (Sora): The Well of the Gods 

        Kairi landed her glider down on the rocky shores of the island Phil had said Hercules had gone to.  As she did, Sora hopped off and surveyed the situation.  Though they had made it, he could see no sign of Hercules or anything for that matter.  The island was much bigger than they had thought, loaded from top to bottom with massive rocks.  He looked behind them and saw the storm clouds cause Thebes to vanish behind them.  "Well, there's no turning back without Herc" he proclaimed.  

      "With all these rocks" Kairi remarked, "do you think the Titans beat us here?"

      Sora shook his head.  "No way.  We just have to find Hercules.  Now come on!"  Sora led the way up the jagged mountain pass, but after what seemed like hours of searching on the island, all he and Kairi found was Heartless and more debris.  The two young warriors carved their way through the hordes of dark enemies that awaited them, but could find no trace of the Olympian Hero.  

      As he watched Kairi knock a Shadow off a nearby ledge, Sora sighed.  "Where is he?  If we don't find him soon, how are we gonna stop Hades?"

      Kairi looked down where she had knocked the Heartless.  "Maybe he's down by that pond."  Sora dashed to her side.  A small pond of water seemed to be shining despite the dark and torrential clouds that loomed above.  Sora climbed down the rockface towards the pond, but was stopped by the sudden appearance of an enormous Heartless.  Kairi jumped down to stand beside her friend.  As Sora flipped back up to his feet, the Large Body loomed above both of them.  But before the dark being could strike, it staggered back in pain and disappeared into the darkness.  Sora and Kairi looked back to see a man standing confidently behind them.  Clad in Olympian armor and a grand blue cape, he wore a dashing look of both pride and relief at seeing something other than a Heartless.
        "Sora?  Is that you?" he asked.
        "Hercules!" Sora exclaimed, rushing over to his demi-god friend and shaking his hand.  "It's been a long time!"
        "Too long, if you ask me" Hercules laughed.  "Phil and I were just talking about you the other day.  Every time we have some kind of problem, you seem to show up.  And you couldn't have picked a better time to."  He looked back and noticed Kairi awkwardly shuffling behind them.  "I see you brought Phil a new trainee?"
        Sora shook his head, folding his hands behind his head.  "No, nothing like that.  I don't think Kairi needs to train the same way we did." 
        Hercules shrugged.  "It's all the same to me."  He strode past Sora and shook Kairi's hand.  "Nice to meet you, Kairi.  Thanks for coming to help us."
       "The pleasure's mine, Hercules" Kairi laughed.  "Sora told me all about you and how you helped make him what he is today."
       Herc looked back at Sora and grinned.  "Of course.  I saw a lot of myself in him when we first met.  Aspiring to be something he couldn't be, until he truly knew what it was.  That's what makes a True Hero.  And thankfully, we both get that now." 
       Sora looked back towards Thebes and saw bolts of lightning showering down Mount Olympus.  But no matter how strong and mighty the bolts were, the darkness seemed to keep gathering around the world.  "Herc, we need your help.  Olympus and Thebes are overrun by Heartless and the Titans!"
       Hercules grunted.  "I figured Hades had something up his sleeves.  It's always like him."
      "And judging from the look of things" Kairi exclaimed, looking back as well, "I don't think your father is going to be able to hold out much longer." 
       The demi-god shook his head.  "Not at all, but this fight with the Titans and Hades is going to be the toughest one I've ever fought.  My father told me Hades had something planned and sent me out here to become stronger."
       Sora eyed Hercules with a great deal of confusion.  "Wait, you're HERCULES!  How can you get much stronger than that?"
      Hercules chuckled faintly.  "Not in terms of training.  Once, my parents offered me the power of the gods, once I became a True Hero.  But I was happy here on Earth with Meg and Phil and everyone else.  So, they restored my humanity.  Things were fine for a long time, and we even rebuilt the Coliseum, but now I have no choice.  I have to find The Well of the Gods."
      "The Well of the Gods?" both Sora and Kairi asked in unison.
      "It's said that a mortal who's intentions are pure and heart is righteous" he explained, "would be able to harness the power of the gods."
       "That sounds incredible" Kairi exclaimed.
       "It's not that simple, though" he warned.  "The Well can only grant someone that power for a limited time.  Adding insult to injury, the Well is like a Heartless magnet.  Every time I've tried to get in, more of them show up."
        Sora pointed to himself proudly.  "We'll cover for you!"
        Kairi nodded in agreement.  "Of course."
        Hercules shook his head.  "If the Titans and Hades are already on the move, I can't stay here.  I have to check on Meg."  He looked out towards the city and sighed.  "Boy, I wish I hadn't sent Pegasus back to Thebes."
        "Be careful what you wish for, Champ!" a voice called out from above.  Phil, riding Hercules' valiant white winged stallion, landed beside the Well as the miniature satyr hopped down to his pupil's side.  "Boy oh boy am I glad to see you guys safe and sound."
        "But Phil, how did you make it across the sea?" Sora asked.
        "Whatever you two did made that storm clear" Phil answered.  "Now, Herc can shoot his way back to Thebes and knock out the Titans once and for all!  Right champ?"
         Hercules scratched the back of his head.  "Well..."
         "Whaddya mean Well?"
         "The Heartless have been acting up around here" Kairi explained.  "And Hercules can't get into the Well to draw any power from it."
         "Oh that's just perfect!" Phil snorted.  "Now, the Titans are gonna make gyros outta the Gods." 
         "That won't happen, Phil!" Herc proclaimed, flexing his muscles.  "I just need to go check on Meg.  I won't be gone for long.  Besides, I know who can alleviate some of the tension around here."  He pointed to Sora and Kairi, who both eyed him with a mixture of curiosity and stunned silence. 
          "These two?" Phil asked, disbelieving his former pupil.  "I don't know, this isn't some test I can give.  This could make Hero Soup outta them if they're unworthy." 
         Sora shook his head.  "We don't have a choice.  I have to at least try to help out.  Otherwise, this entire world will collapse into darkness." 
         Hercules mounted Pegasus and reined him back.  "I'll be back soon!  HEE-YAH!"  With that, the winged horse galloped down the path and took off into the skies, flying at full speed towards Thebes. 
        Phil looked back towards the Well.  "The Well of the Gods.  Man, if I ever thought I'd see something like this when I was a kid.  Alright, which of you putzes is going first?"
       Sora stepped forward.  "I'll go."
       "Are you sure, Sora?" Kairi asked nervously.
       "Of course" Sora nodded happily, running into the water.  He waited around for a moment, but saw a circle of celestial light fall down around the reflecting pool.  The light surrounded the entire pool and transported Sora away from Kairi and Phil and into an entirely different realm. 
       "Where am I?" Sora asked himself.  He walked forward into the bright light, when he found himself surrounded by three separate clones of himself.  He eyed them curiously, before all three turned towards him with cruel looks in their eyes.  All three emitted the power of darkness and summoned Keyblades reminiscent of Master Xehanort's.  In unison, all three charged forward and struck at Sora, who barely had time to defend himself. 
       "A hero of light, huh?" a voice called out from the first Sora clone.  But the voice was not his own, but of someone else.  "I'm not too impressed."
       Another Sora clone stepped back and snickered, once more in a voice not of his own.  "A pity.  I thought they'd at least have gotten tougher by now."
       The third loomed above the other two and stared directly at Sora.  In a voice Sora could recall all too well, he sneered.  "The Keyblade truly could not have selected a more worthless candidate." 
       Sora grunted.  "Xemnas?!"  But he quickly shook his head.  "No.  This must be the test to see if I'm worthy."  Sora clenched his fist and held the Keyblade tightly in his other hand.  "Well this time, I won't fail!"  With that, he charged forward. 

Objective: Defeat All of the Dark Soras!  

GET BONUS:

Obtained Demi-God Form

      As the last of the dark clones faded into nothingness, Sora could feel the warm light surround him.  The tingling sensation continued to engulf his entire body.  A strange new power began to course through his veins and continued to grow more potent with each passing second.  Finally, Sora opened his arms wide and felt an enormous bolt of energy strike him in his head.  The tingly feeling faded slightly.  Sora opened his eyes and looked at himself.  He gasped.  He had grown a few inches taller.  Not only that, but his muscles had almost doubled in size and his clothes had changed.  No longer was he in his traditional clothes, but now in clothes very similar to Hercules's, though he did retain the plate of armor on his shoulder.  

       "Whoa!" he exclaimed.  "This is incredible!"  He called forth his Keyblade and felt an almost godlike surge of energy strike the area as his Key appeared in his hands.  With one swift motion of his hands, the white barrier surrounding him shattered and returned him to the pond where Phil and Kairi had been.  

       Kairi was breathing heavily and keeping herself propped up on a rock while Phil cheered for her actions.  She looked back towards the pool and saw Sora.  He noticed his friend's eyes light up and her jaw dropped.  Sora stepped out of the pool and showed himself off.  

       Even Phil was speechless.  "Holy Hera!"

       Kairi walked up to him, shaking uncontrollably.  "Uh...."

       Sora beamed in embarrassment.  "Uh, Kairi?"

       "Huh?" she asked in a dazed state.  

       "Kid, what--what happened to ya in there?" Phil asked, in complete disbelief of what he was witnessing.

       Sora shrugged.  "I had to take on some kind of challenge and after that, well, this happened."  He flexed his muscles around, much to a bewitched Kairi's delight.  "I bet I could take on Hercules like this!"

       Phil laughed.  "I'll bet Herc will think he was looking in a mirror."

       Kairi shook herself out of her stupor.  "Uh, oh right!  I guess it's my turn."  Kairi walked past Sora sheepishly and entered the Well of the Gods, before the light took her away as well.  

        Sora looked back towards Phil.  "How strong do you think I've gotten?"

        The satyr shrugged.  "Hey, who knows?"  Before he could speak again, another horde of Heartless appeared in front of him.  "But I know some chumps who might want to find out!"  Sora drew his Keyblade again and darted forward.  

In Demi-God Form, Sora's stats double, but he 

is unable to utilize any magic or items.  He can 

string together never ending combos or use his incredible

strength to demolish Heartless in single blows!  

This form is unlocked by accessing it in the Magic Commands.  The Form

consumes all of Sora's MP, but allows for incredible close ranged and long ranged

combat!

Objective: Survive for 3 Minutes while Defeating Heartless!

Boss Music: Vim and Vigor

       Sora effortlessly destroyed the last Heartless and allowed his Keyblade to vanish from his hands.  "Piece of cake!"

       Phil nodded.  "You definitely seem to have a hold on those powers, now."

       Sora shrugged.  "I think so, too."  He looked back towards the Well and saw Kairi emerging.  Like him, she had shed her normal clothes in favor of a more Olympian Battle armor.  However, unlike him, her muscle mass did not seem to increase much.  However, Sora could feel the power she emitted was equal to, if not greater than his own.  "Wow.  How did it feel, Kairi?"

       She shrugged.  "I'm not too sure how to explain.  But I do feel like I have some extra power."  She looked towards the rock where she had been leaning on before stood.  She waved her hand and a fire ball shot at an incredible speed and struck the boulder, disintegrating it in one swoop.  

       Sora gasped.  "Wow.  I guess you're ready."

       Kairi beamed.  "I think so, too."

       The two looked to the skies and saw Hercules landing beside them once more on Pegasus.  This time, he had Megara with him.  He helped her off the winged steed before he noticed the changes Sora and Kairi had undergone.  "Whoa.  I was right to know you two would be able to take on the challenge."

        Megara looked at Sora as if she'd never seen him before.  "Wait, that's Sora?"

        Sora grinned confidently.  "Yup.  The one and only!"

        She eyed both Kairi and Sora.  "I almost didn't recognize you."  She looked back to Hercules.  "Well, Wonderboy, it looks like you and your friends will put Hades on ice once and for all.  I wish I could be there to see it happen."

         Hercules nodded.  "I do too, but I don't want to risk you getting in danger.  You and Phil can stay here while we finish the job on Olympus."  He strode up to Sora and Kairi.  "Are you two ready?  This might be the toughest challenge we've had, yet."

         Both Sora and Kairi fell back into ready positions.  "You got it!"

         Hercules nodded.  "Whenever you guys are ready, we'll take off!"

New Party Member: Hercules 

HP: 80

MP: 100

Friendship: 90

Weapon: 

Hercules Sword (+6 Strength, +0 Magic)

Armor:

Belt of Champions (+6 Defense)

Accessories:

N/A

Items:

x4 Potions, x1 Ether 

Abilities:

Demi-God Form: Sacrifice MP to Double All Stats (Cost 99 MP)

Aura Spheres: Fire a Series of Energy Blasts, Stunning Enemies (Cost 10 MP)

Aura Guard: Shield From All Enemy Attacks for a Time (Cost 10 MP)

Power Punch: Stun Enemies by Punching them Really Hard (Cost 10 MP)

Heroes Onslaught: Unleash Sora and Hercules's Joint Limit, Champion Combo

Draw: Draw in Surrounding Items.  Equip to Party to Boost Effect

Item Boost: Boost the Potency of Items in the Field

Shining Aura: Boosts the Defense of Party when HP is Low

Second Chance: Ensures 1 HP Remains when taking Heavy Damage

Once More: Ensures 1 HP Remains when taking damage from a Combo

Chapter 14 (SORA): Olympus Under Siege

Chapter 14 (Sora): Olympus Under Siege

        Sora parted the ivy branches that led to Rapunzel's world and allowed Kairi to walk in front of him.  As soon as she was passed, he let the vines fall back into place and he stretched out his body.  "Well, that was fun."  

        "I hope we get to see Rapunzel and Eugene again" Kairi remarked, a bit softly.  

        "Of course we will" Sora laughed.  "Why say that?"

        "Well, I haven't gone to as many worlds as you have" she explained.  "And--well--"

        "You miss them already?"

        Kairi nodded.  "We only met them a short while ago, but I can feel them in my heart."

        "Our hearts will always find a way to bring us together, Kairi" Sora answered, very mystically.  "If there's any lesson I've learned, it's that one."  

        "Then I know I can always go back" Kairi smiled, her face brightening.  

        "Yup.  And they'll be happy to see us."  

        "Mm-hm" Kairi agreed.  

        "SORA!  KAIRI!"  Both warriors spun around to see Mickey hurrying towards them.  The little mouse king skidded to a halt right in front of them.  He bore a face of absolute dread and worry.  "Boy, am I glad to see you two.  I need your help.  Both of you."

        Sora nodded.  "Of course, Your Majesty."

        "What's happening?" Kairi asked.

        "Well, remember how I said I needed to speak to Yen Sid about something you left, Kairi?" Mickey asked her.  When Kairi nodded, Mickey continued.  "Well, that's just the problem.  I showed up at the tower and Master Yen Sid told me a world was under attack by the Heartless."
        Sora shrugged, slightly confused by Mickey's worry.  "Aren't all of them being attacked?"

       Mickey waved his hands.  "No no no!  I mean more than just the Heartless.  Xehanort is there too!"

       At the sound of that name, both Kairi and Sora jumped back into position.  "Xehanort?"

      Mickey nodded.  "Yeah.  We're not sure why he's there, since there's no Princess of Hearts in that world.  But he's still a danger to what's happening there."

      "What world did he attack?" Sora asked.

      "That's the even bigger problem" Mickey continued.  "The original gateways the Keyblade knew to that world have been destroyed.  Something vaporized Olympus Coliseum.  We haven't been able to make contact with anyone there."

       "Olympus?" Kairi asked.

       Sora's heart sank.  He had plenty of friends in Olympus Coliseum that had likely been hurt or worse in that world.  If one of the first worlds he'd visited was in peril, he knew he was bound as a True Hero in the eyes of the Gods to protect the world like Hercules did.  "Count me in, King Mickey.  I'll fly over to Olympus and save the day."

       "Didn't ya hear what I said?" Mickey shouted.  "The pathway your Keyblade knows to that world has been shattered.  You can't go to Olympus the way you guys knew how to."  Mickey turned towards Adventure Land.  "The only way for us to get you or anyone to that world is to find Merlin and make a way to that world appear here in Disneyland."

       "Can Merlin do that?" Kairi asked.  

       "It's our only hope" Mickey reasoned.  "Otherwise, we may never be able to help Hercules or any of his friends.  He should be in Adventure Land with Lea.  I asked him to look into getting us to Agrabah so we can transfer Princess Jasmine here, but he should be able to help us."  Mickey hurried back down towards Adventure Land.  

        Sora and Kairi looked at each other.  "You ready for this?"

        Kairi nodded.  "Of course.  I want to become a True Hero like you."

       "Then let's go!"  The two took off down after Mickey.  

        As Sora and Kairi finally made it to Adventure Land, Mickey was already struggling to convince Merlin about the operation.  Despite the urgency of the situation, Merlin was extremely reluctant to follow through with Mickey's decisions.  

       "Creating a portal to that world would endanger everyone here" Merlin reasoned.  "Without our sanctions, the enemy could have access to Disneyland.  I cannot guarantee anyone's safety."

       "I know it's risky, Merlin" Mickey acknowledged, "but if we don't do anything, the world will be destroyed by Xehanort.  And we can't let that happen, either."  

        Lea stood silently by one of the columns that would eventually lead to Agrabah.  He surveyed the situation with calmness unbecoming of either Mickey or Merlin.  Sora and Kairi both noticed his intensity as he stared into thin air.  He seemed to be mouthing something to himself as his focus changed to the skies above the theme park.  

       "The risk to the Princesses is too great" Merlin insisted.  

       "We have to go" Lea spoke up.
       "Huh?" Sora asked.
       "The way I see it" Lea explained, "Sora has handled Hades and his kind before.  Not only that, but if Xehanort can really find ways into this world as has been reported, it'd be better to find a way to get them before they get through."
       "You wish to challenge Master Xehanort on his terms, Lea?" Merlin asked, shocked that the very idea would be entertained.  "That's awfully reckless."
       "Yeah, well sitting around here and waiting isn't going to help us" Lea reminded the group.  "If we do nothing, Xehanort will keep terrorizing worlds like Olympus.  And if we do nothing to help Olympus, Hades will run over everything."
       "Hades?" Kairi asked.  "Isn't he the one who controlled the Underworld?"
       Sora nodded.  "That's him."
       "Hades is the least of our problems if Xehanort or any of his allies show up in this world" Mickey cautioned.  "As far as we know, neither Maleficent nor Xehanort have targeted him as an ally.  If Hades is the only one causing trouble there--"
       "Then we should still go" Sora proclaimed.  "I've got friends there."
       "Sora" Mickey sighed, "I know how much they mean to ya, but we have a mission.  And if Merlin thinks it could be--"
       "We can't just let Olympus fight for itself" Kairi added.  "I'm sure Hercules would help us after all Sora's done for him.  And we should be willing to do the same for them."
        "I don't think we can--"
        "Xehanort will be there" Lea snapped, causing all four to turn on him once more in shock.  "Call it a hunch, but I think he'll want to go after people who've either affiliated with Sora in the past or anyone powerful enough to be considered an ally.  Besides...I can feel a dark aura coming from that world.  If it's not the old man, it's definitely someone else powerful."
         Merlin nodded.  "I can feel the dark power as well."  Merlin waved his hands in the air.  The ground began to quake.  Sora jumped aboard his hoverboard and pulled Kairi into the air with him.  Mickey struggled to maintain his own footing as all of Adventure Land began to be swallowed in dust.
        "What's happening?" Kairi shouted, though she could barely be heard over the earthquake.
        "I don't know" Sora replied.  Within seconds,  despite being high in the air, Sora and Kairi felt as if they were being overshadowed by something massive appearing nearby.  As the dust began to settle, Sora and Kairi landed on the ground.  When things were visible, all except Merlin were stunned to see the massive mountainous form of Mount Olympus looming over them.  An ancient archway seemed to lead towards the mountain, though it seemed close to collapse at any second.
        "A gateway to Mount Olympus" Merlin announced.  "Ahem.  Now then, to business."  The wizard turned to Sora.  "Sora.  Kairi.  The gateway to Olympus draws a great deal of power from Disneyland.  A spike of this power could draw the forces of darkness in and make the park vulnerable.  That is why you must quickly deal with the villains within and return without much incident.  In the meantime, I will try to discover who harbors such dark power."
        Lea scoffed.  "We'll have enough warriors on reserve to back them up, Merlin.  Sheesh, you guys worry about the dumbest stuff."
        "I take it you'll step in if something goes wrong?" Mickey asked Lea.
        "It'd be better than waiting here on the sidelines for more protecting."
        Mickey turned to Sora and Kairi.  "Then be careful guys.  I'll be going to make sure the rest of the park is okay after that."
        Sora gave the King a thumbs up.  "We won't let you down, Your Majesty."  Nodding contently, Mickey hurried off to make sure the rest of the park was okay.  Sora and Kairi approached the archway slowly, before stopping in their tracks.  "Whoa.  I can feel it, now.  There's definitely something there."
       Kairi put her hand on Sora's shoulder.  "We'll fix this."
       "I know" he laughed.  Not letting another moment waste away, Sora and Kairi dashed off into the new world, not noticing the archway starting to wobble as they vanished into the light.

        High above the city of Thebes and the rest of Greece, the gods of Mount Olympus rested.  Having fought many long battles to prevent the forces of evil from conquering their people, now the gods took a few centuries off to rest and recover.  All of the Gods, save for one, were respected and revered by the people below and almost always received adoration and praise.
       The one who did not get the same affection, stared down into a pit where, millenia ago, Zeus had imprisoned the Gods long time nemeses, the Titans.  The one whom had been forced to watch as Zeus's son thwarted plan after plan of his.  The one, who now with an absent Hercules unable to challenge him, was set to play his trump card against the Gods and vanquish his rivals and greatest enemies forever.
       A menacing smile on his face, Hades looked down upon the Titans with pure contempt.  He knew how capable they were, but if that power could be redirected against Zeus and Hercules, perhaps he would avoid their wrath.  "Titans!  Your salvation has come!"
      A thunderous roar echoed throughout the pit where the Titans had been kept.  Hades minions, the imps Pain and Panic, cowered behind Hades at the power of the roar.
     "It was Zeus who put you down there" Haded continued, "and it shall be Hades who brings about your freedom.  All I ask, is that you go up to Mount Olympus and take that blowhard down!  Are you with me?"
      "DESTROY ZEUS!" the Titans roared in unison.
      "That's what I call devotion" Hades snickered.  With one snap of his fingers, the four Elemental Titans (Earth, Wind, Fire, and Ice) sprung from their centuries old prison and stared down the dominant Mount Olympus in the distance.  One by one, they marched, terrorizing villages and people as they marched.
       Hades snickered as the Titans moved ahead.  "This week could not have gone any better.  Irkules is miles away from saving the day, his pet and coach are locked away in Thebes, and soon, I'll be the ruler of the cosmos!"
       "Y--you sure did it, boss" Pain congratulated nervously.
       "Relax, guys.  We're not done yet.  Once I find little Nutmeg, all that will be left for me to take care of is that spiky haired brat with the Keyblade.  Once he shows up, I'll be able to crush him once and for all!  Ha ha ha!"

        Staring down at the oncoming attack to his home, the ancient King of the Gods, Zeus, yelled a warrior's cry into the sky.  The skies above Thebes began to darken and storm clouds began to roll in.  "I will not allow these cretins to hurt anyone again!  I need my THUNDERBOLTS!"  Within seconds, a handful of handcrafted bolts of lightning landed by Zeus's feet.  Taking one in the air, he began to launch them down on his enemies below.

       Sora and Kairi walked through an archway that once led to the mighty Olympus Coliseum and looked on the site of the silent Thebes uneasily.  Not a person could be seen or heard from anywhere.  Behind them, the two could hear the clouds rumbling and roaring.  As Sora prepared to run down into the city, a bolt of lightning shot through the skies above him and towards a distant object.  The two looked past Thebes and towards a nearby plain, where four immense beings marched their way towards Mount Olympus.
        "What are they?" Kairi asked nervously.
        Sora shrugged.  "I can only think they're friends of Hades."
        "He doesn't have taste, does he?"
        "Not really."
        The immense monster the size of a mountain stomped on the ground, causing the ground beneath both Keybearers to quake uncontrollably.  Kairi grabbed onto a nearby boulder for safety while Sora fell to his rear end almost immediately.  Jumping quickly back to his feet, Sora looked hopelessly towards their coming foes.  "I can't see a way we can beat them, right now."
         "You mean we can't win?" Kairi asked mournfully.
         Sora stood proudly.  "No way.  We're heroes.  Heroes don't give up, even when the odds are against them."
         "Lead on then, True Hero" Kairi laughed.
         "We need to find Phil and Hercules" Sora responded bluntly.  "But if we don't get away from these guys, it might not matter in the long run."  He gestured towards the Titans behind them.  "Let's go!"  Sora took off down the Mountain Pass with Kairi close behind him.

Objective: Avoid Collateral Damage at the hands of the Titans!

        Sora and Kairi stumbled down the path into Thebes Square, barely dodging an enormous boulder in the process.  As they stopped to catch their breath, they found the Square flooded with Heartless.  Both summoned their Keyblades, but Sora stopped his prepared assault when he heard a familiar chant.  "Sora?  Is that you?"

        Sora spun around to see a small goat man surrounded by a horde of Shadows.  Behind him, a terrified winged stallion fluttered nervously.  "Phil?  Pegasus?  Are you guys alright?"

        "Boy am I glad to see you, kid!" Phil cheered.  "I was beginning to think we were gonna become mashed pitas without Hercules."  He pointed to the many hordes surrounding them.  "If you could use some of that "True Hero" charm of yours to take out these Heartless, that would be greatly appreciated!"  

         Pegasus whinnied nervously in agreement. 

         Sora proudly nodded.  "Alright.  No problem.  Watch this!"  Sora turned to Kairi.  "Take out some of those Heartless over there.  These guys are all mine!"

         Kairi rolled her eyes.  "Whatever you say, Hero!"  The two split up to take on their foes.  

Objective: Defeat All of the Heartless!

Get Bonus: Sora Learned Slapshot 

Kairi: +10 HP

        Phil heaved a sigh of relief as Sora took down the last of the Heartless.  "Not for nothing, kid.  But you really do need some work on your stuff."

        Sora sighed.  "Why do you always think I need more training?"

        "Hey!  Rein in your arrogance, macho boy" Phil warned.  "You don't need to act all tough to impress your girlfriend, you know."  

        Sora lowered his head in shame.  "Fine."

        "Look, Sora" the satyr continued, "A hero's training is never done.  Just because you become a True Hero and stop some evil guys, doesn't mean you slack off.  When you slack off, you lose some of that spirit."  He pointed back towards Mount Olympus.  "Look back there.  The Gods were so proud of themselves, that they let their guards down.  Now, unless something changes, they're gonna need help from the mortals like you guys."  

        Sora nodded.  "Alright, then teach me what else I need to learn!"

        Phil shook his head and stroked his beard.  "I got nothing left to teach ya, kid.  Fighting the Titans is something I never thought I'd have to witness.  If you want to learn how to stomp out these guys, you're gonna need to train under my own underling."

        "You mean Hercules?" Kairi asked.

        "The One and Only" Phil proclaimed.  "If only we could reach him."  Phil looked out onto the horizon.  "Hercules went off towards one of those islands in the distance.  Once we dropped him off, we were almost swallowed by the seas!"

        "Swallowed by the seas?" Kairi asked.

        "Why'd you drop Hercules off on his own?" Sora asked, shocked Phil would endanger his friend like that.  

        "I didn't think the Titans would get set loose today, okay?" Phil shouted back, clearly panicked.  "It doesn't matter anyway.  Pegasus couldn't even make it through the storms.  Unless we can somehow get through, Herc's as good as useless over there."

        "Okay" Sora exclaimed.  "Then let us go through those storms."

        Kairi looked at him in astonishment.  "What?"

        "Kid, this ain't no fun park!" Phil warned.  

        "If we don't do something soon" Sora reminded them both, "Hades is gonna wipe Mount Olympus clean off the face of the earth!"

         Phil nodded begrudgingly.  "Alright, kid.  I'll leave this up to you.  Navigate your way through those currents and find Hercules.  Be careful!"  

         Sora nodded proudly.  "Of course!"

         As soon as he and Kairi reached the edge of Thebes, they could see the stormy waters that loomed ahead.  Kairi looked to Sora in despair.  "Now what?  We can't exactly swim through those waters."

        Sora grinned.  "We won't have to!"  Sora slammed his armor and transformed into his Lion's Armor once more, climbing onto his Keyblade.  "We can fly through this easily."  

        "I don't know, Sora" Kairi nervously answered.  "We've never flown through anything that big before and --"  Kairi stopped as soon as she noticed Sora extend his hand out to her.  She beamed and took it as he pulled her up onto his board.  Using her own Keyblade, the two combined their weapons into one large raft-like craft to fly them both through the stormy winds.  

        The deeper the two got into the storm, the more deadly the winds and rain felt on them.  Kairi looked ahead and pointed out an immense whirlpool between them and the islands.  "Is that whirlpool the source of the storm?"

        "I have a bad feeling we're about to find out" Sora responded.  

        A bolt of lightning struck the whirlpool and it began to spin faster and faster.  A faint laughter could be heard nearby.  It was a laugh Sora thought he would never hear again.  The laugh was deep and coldhearted.  "No.  It can't be..."

        "What's going on?" Kairi asked. 

        "Kairi, hold on!" Sora shouted.  A dark black cloud emerged from the whirlpool, followed by more deep and evil laughter.  As Sora expected, the smoke was soon followed by a large black and purple tentacle.  Soon, more tentacles began to sprout out of the water, attempting to strike at Sora and Kairi.  Sora steered as sharply as he could, but was knocked back by one of the tentacles.  As they attempted to recover, the entire body of their foe emerged from the waters.  She eyed the two with a look of pure hatred and malice.  

         "I was wondering when you guppies would show up!" she chortled.  

         "Ursula!" Sora shouted.  "But how?"

         "Ha ha ha ha ha!" she laughed, her immense body quaking as she did.  "Hades owed me a favor, so I struck a deal with an old friend.  I keep his little friend occupied, while I get to return to life once more!"  She eyed the two closely.  "And getting revenge on the Keybearer is the icing on the cake.  I'll show you what happens when you cross me, boy!  Ursula's revenge will be brutal and fierce!"  She struck at them with her tentacles, but Sora and Kairi dodged her with only half a second to spare.  She smirked.  "And once I'm done with you little meal worms, I'll return to the depths and finish off that fool Triton once and for all!  Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"  

          Kairi looked to Sora.  "We've got no choice!"

          Sora nodded.  "We have to send this sea witch back to the depths!"  Sora moved ahead and charged towards his old nemesis.  

Boss Battle: Ursula I 

HP: 710

Objective: Take Out Ursula's Tentacles Before Delivering the Final Blow!

Boss Battle Music: Tension Rising 

GET BONUS:
Sora: MP+ 10
Kairi: HP +10

        The enormous Sea Witch snarled and roared as the darkness enveloped her once more.  Sora whirled their hoverboard past Ursula's writing body and began to soar towards the island where Phil had said Hercules was.  Before they could reach it, one of Ursula's tentacles smacked the Keybearers, knocking them out of the air.  

        "You're not winning that easily" Ursula warned her prey.  

        "That's what you think!" Kairi fired back, landing on the tentacle with the grace of a swan.  She turned and fired a beam of light from her Keyblade, but the witch managed to dodge it.  Sora, meanwhile, clung to another tentacle and tried to recover from the hit.  Ursula took the time to toy with him, flinging him up into the air.  Sora turned around and hurled the Keyblade directly at his old enemy.  Ursula attempted to dodge, but Kairi fired another beam of light towards her eyes, blinding her.  As the Keyblade struck her full on, the sea witch snarled in pain.  Kairi, seeing Sora plummeting towards the seas, called forth her own Keyblade Glider and soared down to her friend and scooped him up.
       "No, not again!" Ursula pleaded, but neither Sora nor Kairi would have any of it.  Aiming their Keyblades, they fired beams of energy at the Sea Witch, causing her to disintegrate into a pile of black sludge and dark energy.  "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
        As Sora clung to Kairi's arm, he cheered.  "Way to go, Kairi!"
        Kairi heaved a sigh of relief as she pulled Sora back onto the glider.  "I'm just glad she's gone.  Besides, it wasn't that good."
        Sora stared at her as though she had sprouted three heads.  "Are you crazy?  That was incredible.  I'd have had a hard time beating Ursula if it weren't for you.  You really are incredible, Kairi."
       Kairi's giggled.  "Thanks for the compliment.  It's nice being able to fight for you guys, once in a while."  She shook herself out of her stupor.  "But we don't have that kind of time to lose.  We have to find Hercules before it's too late."
       Sora nodded.  "Well, lead the way."  Sora and Kairi took off on Kairi's glider away from the dark storms and towards the peaceful island in the distance.  

Top 5 Disney Sequels and Remakes (That Would Not Suck)

For those handful of you who haven't Disney's annual gutting of your childhood in the form of a mess of a remake named Beauty and the Beast (2017) (Does anyone else find it surreal that we now have to identify these films as their own separare entities by year releases?), you would find that I absolutely despised the film, despite it not being as awfully made a film as many other sequels and reboots have been for franchises (Fan4Stic and Dumb and Dumber 2 come to mind).  But the reason I hated this film more than any of the other reboots Disney has come out with or any other company for that matter, is because unlike their most tolerable remake (Cinderella (2015)), the film did not even attempt to make itself a different film from the Walt Disney Classic we all grew up with.  It covered all of the basic areas the 1991 film did, without adding anything soluable or useful to the plot and instead relied more on already established things about the original film and tired and overused cliches (such as the death of a parent we never get to know or meet, or the abusive parents etc.).  But the one thing I hated the most about this film was this undeserved sense of arrogance that this film permeates, that it was clearly doing something no film had ever attempted, save for the film of the same fucking name released twenty five years earlier.

Whether you found the film good or not, you cannot deny that this year's film represents a crossroad that the studio is going to cross this year.  While all of the previous remakes had some things in common with the original, they didn't wholeheartedly rip off moments from the films and even added their own layers to already well made films and stories.  Cinderella, for example, added depth to the character of the Wicked Stepmother, no longer making her out to be some generic hellspawn, but a layered three dimensional character.  Beauty and the Beast had no shame directly stealing from the 1991 film in many ways and still retaining the arrogance that it was doing something different and was a deeper film than it really was.  But the crossroads does not end at just directly stealing from a film.  They also go towards whether or not Disney will make sequels or reboots to films that aren't held in as much high regard.  So far, with the possible exceptions of Pete's Dragon and Maleficent (as many fans have mixed feelings regarding Sleeping Beauty), all of the Disney remakes have been based on their most well known and beloved films, rather than films they didn't exactly get right on the first try.  And looking ahead doesn't bode too well for other remakes, as the future remakes being announced have been for all fan favorite films like Mulan, Mary Poppins, The Lion King, and Aladdin, but no love or respect for other lesser known Disney content, such as The Sword in the Stone or Treasure Planet, both films that could use serious retooling as reboots that could perhaps be better than the original films that were, at best, average Disney films.

In the following article, I will highlight five Disney films/properties that could seriously use a reboot or sequel that could add lots of depth and realism to films that, to be quite frank for some, lacked any sense of it.

But first, here are a few honorable mentions:

Treasure Planet (2002): Granted, I've never been the biggest fan of this 2002 box office disaster for the Disney Studios, but I will admit that this film has some of the best characters in any film released at that time.  The science fiction retelling of Robert Louis Stevenson's "Treasure Island" could easily reinvigorate people to a medium that is currently being dominated by Star Wars.  Though Disney might not want to jeopardize their monopoly over Sci Fi (with Star Trek almost certainly going to get rebooted again, and both Avatar and Terminator struggling to be made or find audiences respectively), they could also revolutionize a film that is in serious need of fixing.

Hercules (1997): Disney may not view their 1997 telling of the Greek Myth as a good film to capitalize on, but the Marvel Cinematic Universe cannot last forever, and when that eventually dries up, there won't be much competition for a superhero movie for the DCCU (provided they get their collective shit together themselves).  An action packed retelling of their film or even just telling a more faithful adaptation to the story of Hercules could perhaps generate the next age of superheroes for Disney, especially if told and executed correctly.

Mickey and the Beanstalk (1947): Going back to a simpler time, the second act of Fun and Fancy Free was originally supposed to be it's own full length animated feature, but was scrapped with the US entering World War II.  A full length story of Jack and the Beanstalk could be an interesting take for Disney (this is an honorable mention, because this has been confirmed to be an upcoming Disney Animated Feature).

Without further ado, here are my five choices:

5. A Sequel to Fantasia

And no, I'm not talking about a "back patting" sequel to this legendary Disney Classic like Fantasia 2000 was.  An authentic and genuine sequel to The Concert Feature would prove to me that Disney was not only able to make a competent sequel to one of their most cherished films, but that their animation was forever going to remain a top the food chain, with Pixar and Dreamworks forever eating off their tablescraps.  Ditching all that didn't work in Fantasia 2000 (the pointless celebrity cameos and the time and budget slashing), and giving audiences a genuine look at their great animation through classical music (even if the animation is CGI).  They have done excellent work with their musical shorts, such as The Little Match Girl, and even did some great work on some of their pieces for Fantasia 2000.  There are still some very famous pieces of music they haven't touched, such as Ride of the Valkyries and Swan Lake that I think could make for excellent pieces if done correctly and not botched like Carnival of the Animals and Beethoven's Fifth were.  Keep it genuine and the film should be another addition to Disney's cavalcade of classics.

4. A More Serious Peter Pan 

After the disaster of Pan at the box office (we'll get to that shit show in time), it has become abundantly clear that the only company that can do anything positive nowadays with the cast and stories of James Barrie is Disney.  After all, the darkest part of their show Once Upon a Time is the cruelness and dark stories behind Peter Pan and his treatment of Lost Boys and those who grow up on him.  My personal favorite take on Peter Pan is the 2003 film, mostly because of how dark it was willing to go with their designs for Neverland and their takes on Captain Hook and other key parts of the story.  It wasn't overly cute fluff like the 1953 Disney Version.  Seeing as how there were more Peter Pan and Wendy stories beside their run ins with Captain Hook, Disney can be at an advantage if they were to remake their film and make it a more action and much darker take on the story, to better diversify from their previous film.  I would be more than excited to see a darker take on Peter Pan (being a fan of the books myself) and would be more than happy to see Disney stop being overly safe and try something new...

3. The Sword in the Stone 

Though this one has been teased for a long time, I will not take this request back until it is fully confirmed as an upcoming reboot.  Disney's take on the Legends of King Arthur were, unique, to say the very least.  Very few stories cover Arthur's youth or even learning about how to become a good king and focus on his wars and the Knights of the Round Table and it made their 1963 film a very unique take.  If only The Sword in the Stone had been a more consistent film.  Even if you want to turn this into the full Legend of King Arthur, you can still cover most of the original film while still bringing up things about the Arthur Legend we all would like to see on screen again.  With there being a huge gap in terms of Fantasy Franchises on the big screen right now (see #1 for this fact as well), Disney could swoop in and claim the genre for themselves.

2. A More Adult The Hunchback of Notre Dame 

Virtually every time Disney has tackled some sort of retelling of Victor Hugo's dark tragedy (with obvious exception of the DTV sequel) since the 1996 film's release to theaters, their versions have been darker, more adult, and more complex than even their highly acclaimed animated version.  A deeper and darker retelling of their animated film (a film that has continued to sky rocket in acclaim and adoration), would be a welcome surprise to all of the reboots they've been attempting to show us.  I personally doubt that Disney has the gumption or guts to release such an adult film in their library again, especially seeing the films they have selected and the subsequent results of their "reimaginings", though I think we could safely say that the remake of The Hunchback of Notre Dame would be the best of them all, without a doubt in my mind...well...with one exception...

1. The Chronicles of Pyrdain 

The film that was supposed to put Disney Animation back on the map, ironically decimated the studio and almost caused the studio to be shut down.  And yet, the book series was arguably the most acclaimed of all Fantasy Literature for Children before Harry Potter came along.  It had great action, well written characters, great morals and stories and an overall charm to it that few other stories could relate to.  Disney swung and missed badly in their first attempt to make this film work, but if they actually put effort into making as good characters as they did visual effects, they could perhaps jump start Fantasy Films into a place that they were just a decade ago.  And the place I would start first is with The Chronicles of Pyrdain (AKA The Black Cauldron).  It would forever put to bed this sickening feeling the company has towards this film and would allow Disney to avenge their past mistakes by making a film that could appeal to all audiences and be its own thing, whereas Disney's last Fantasy Franchise was forced into being the next "Lord of the Rings".

Film Review #124: Beauty and the Beast (2017)

Considering the best of these Live Action reboots was almost absorbed by it's own attempts at turning a somewhat progressive character into a walking melodramatic mush of a character, my expectations for Beauty and the Beast were at an all time low.  And let's face it, my personal connections to this film are significantly greater than all of the previous reboots that Disney has done since 2010.  After all, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, and The Lion King are my three favorite movies that this company has made and have been significant parts of my childhood.  But critics adored this film and the soundtrack (which was released on YouTube) was at the very least tolerable, so I decided to see this film on the day it came out.  

My faith in the critics has fallen to an all time low and I now have literally no faith that any of the future Disney reboots will be any good.  If you wanted to see a Cliffnotes version of the 1991 animated film (WHICH WAS NOMINATED FOR BEST FREAKING PICTURE), then you are probably going to like this film.  But if you wanted to see a film with a unique take on a classic fairy tale with some allusions to arguably the Greatest Animated Film of All Time, one with pathos, emotional connections, strong characters, brilliant lighting and cinematography, and of all other things: HEART, you will absolutely loathe this film.  I don't think my heart has ever been broken by a film faster than this one did to me.  And I'm not joking.  

Plot: Once upon a time, a selfish prince rejects a haggard old woman who sought shelter from the bitter cold.  In response, the woman transforms into an enchantress and turns the prince into a hideous beast and his servants into household objects.  She grants him an enchanted rose that would wither away unless he could learn to love and earn love in return.  

We then cut to Belle, a beautiful woman in a village that does not appreciate her uniqueness, except for the hunter Gaston, who seeks to woo her and make her his wife.  But Belle rejects him and returns home to her father, who is a music box creator and is leaving to sell his music boxes.  While on his journey, he comes across a mysterious castle in the woods and enters.  When he accidentally takes a rose from a garden, he triggers the wrath of the Beast, who imprisons him in the dungeon, where Belle finds him later.  Belle offers to exchange her life for his, to which the Beast agrees.  The enchanted staff of the Beast's Castle tries to make Belle at home, hoping that she can one day break the spell that surrounds them by falling in love with the Beast.  

Meanwhile, Belle's father begs people in the village to help him, but only Gaston offers to help (hoping to get Maurice's approval to propose to Belle).  But when that fails, Gaston decides to have him committed to an insane asylum, while Belle and the Beast slowly develop a closer bond between each other.  

What's Wrong?: This film is almost, point for point, a complete rehash of the original film.  Whereas you can say that the other films at least tried a handful of things to make themselves standout from the original, this film does almost nothing different save for irrelevant plot points that cause more confusion than anything else.  Almost all of the important plot points, from the petals falling off the rose, to Gaston's plot to commit Maurice, to Belle being a quirky outsider in their village, to Gaston's plot to kill the Beast, all of those moments are brought back to life in this 129 minute film that feels like 329 minutes.  This films drags in so many places that it actually hurts this film in the long run, for one specific reason, arguably the biggest flaw this film suffers from.  

Heart.  If there is one thing this film lacks that the other film had was heart.  This film suffers from the same issues that failed love stories like Attack of the Clones and Twilight suffered from: by telling us that these two are falling in love instead of showing it.  In the original film, there were several scenes where Belle and the Beast showed signs of maturing as people during Belle's time in the castle, the best scene in the film being their ultimate argument after he saves her from the wolf attack.  This film glosses over the important romantic building blocks, because they felt it was more important to tell us that these two are in love instead of showing it.  And when you cannot show people falling in love, you clearly cannot write a love story.  And it's especially jarring to fail at telling arguably the greatest love story ever told.  

Also, the casting in this film is incredibly hit and miss.  Luke Evans was a hilariously inept Gaston, I don't know what kind of accent Ewan McGregor was trying to pull off as Lumiere, and arguably the worst casting of them all was Emma Watson as Belle.  Sure, she looks like Belle and attempts to act like her, but she lacks almost all of the charm the original character had, again falling into that "show, don't tell" thing that this film suffers through.  Plus, she can't sing.  Not exactly Russell Crowe in Les Miserables bad, but definitely not on par with Paige O' Hara or any of the other Disney Princess singers for that matter.

Not for nothing, but this film needed Kenneth Branagh as it's director.  I remember how amazing the cinematography was in Cinderella, and for a movie that was being remade from one of the most beautifully stylized animated films of the Disney Renaissance, this film looked gross half the time and the other half looked more pandering than Cinderella's first few minutes did.  The stylistic designs used in the 1991 film are unique in their own light, such as the green lightning bolts used during the clash between Gaston and the Beast, or the fact that only Belle or the Beast wore blue in the entire movie (seriously, go watch the original film again and let me know who else other than Belle or the Beast wore the color Blue in that film).  But this film could not have missed it more in terms of cinematography and style.  

One last thing that bugged me (trust me, I could write an effing essay on why this film didn't work), was the complete pointlessness of turning Le Fou gay.  I've always said that if you are going to write a character that is homosexual, there should be a point to it.  Don't just write a character that is gay just for the sake of it.  That is why I am one of the staunch vocals opposed to making Elsa from Frozen gay, because I have always been a subscriber to the theory that a gay character's homosexuality should not be a part of their character and should be as much a part of someone's character as a normal relationship is in a normal movie.  I don't think of Bob Parr's relationship with his wife as a part of his character in The Incredibles, nor should I think of Anakin's relationship with Padme as part of his character.  It adds to their development, and nothing more.  Forcing the issue down and doing almost everything stereotypically incorrect when it comes to portraying a gay character (as they did with Le Fou here), actually does more to hurt the LGBT community than it does help it.  

What's Good?: I never thought I would say this after such an abysmal film like Wild, Wild West, but the best performance in this movie goes to Kevin Kline as Maurice.  Of all of the actors in this film, he has the most humanity and the most HEART.  I don't know where Kevin Kline learned to act in the last few years, but he certainly has reversed his career after such duds as his performances in Wild, Wild West or as Phoebus in The Hunchback of Notre Dame.  

Overall: I consider this film to be THE WORST of the reboots, by far.  No, it didn't completely miss the point of the book like Alice in Wonderland did.  No, it didn't mix random plot points together and call it a remake like Maleficent did.  And it didn't even have the constant tone problems The Jungle Book did.  But this film was worse because there was almost nothing new in it, nothing that I could say was done superior to the original film, and the film has an ego about it that it's something completely different yet the exact same at the same time.  An unwarranted ego, by the way.  And once again, if you can't remake a film better, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU REMAKE IT AT ALL?  I have complete faith now, that Jon Favreau's The Lion King will be an absolute disaster, as will the prequel to a live action reboot of both 101 Dalmatians and Aladdin, and has safely proven to me that the only movies of quality this studio can make are either animated (Feature Animation or Pixar), Marvel Cinematic Universe movies, or Star Wars films.  

Final Grade: F

Film Review #123: The Jungle Book (2016)

Cinderella gave me hope that, with a competent film crew with some good actors, these frustrating Disney reboots would not be torturous to sit through as we draw closer to the coming releases of Beauty and the Beast and other films.  And while I do like the animated versions of Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Alice in Wonderland all well, none of those films crack my personal Top 10 Disney Animated films.  The Jungle Book does, however.  With it's great songs, incredible charm and delightful characters, Walt Disney turned a deeply interesting and thought provoking story of Tarzan in India into a lighthearted comedy that was the most successful Disney film in their canon until The Little Mermaid in 1989.  So naturally, I was skeptical at first when this film was slated to premiere.  But, like Cinderella before it, the film seemed to be in good directorial hands (Jon Favreau of Iron Man and Elf fame), and had a cast of incredible actors at it's disposal (Bill Murray, Scarlett Johansson, Ben Kingsley, Idris Elba, Christopher Walken, among others), and seemed to be taking a more literal interpretation of the book, which I was fascinated to see.

And yet, the film was literally nothing like I expected it to be.  With tone problems ranging throughout, fairly bizarre performances from otherwise great actors and the most CGI-looking CGI I'd seen since the freaking Star Wars prequels, this film was a mess from start to finish.  Not quite as bad as Alice in Wonderland, but a big step backward from Cinderella.

Plot: A "man-cub" named Mowgli is raised amongst the wolves in the jungle after a panther named Bagheera brought him to them as an infant.  But his life is thrust into danger by the man hating tiger named Shere Khan, who returns to the jungle and warns that once the "water truce" between the animals comes to an end, he would come after Mowgli and kill anyone that stood in his way.  To protect the pack, Mowgli and Bagheera leave for a man village where he would be safe from Khan's wrath (as Khan sustained major injuries to Man and his "Red Flower").  After a brutal encounter with Khan, however, Mowgli and Bagheera are separated as Mowgli is forced to confront the hypnotic snake named Kaa himself, only to be rescued by a lazy sloth bear named Baloo.

Infuriated that Mowgli escaped his wrath, Khan kills the Wolf Pack's leader and threatens to take complete control of their lands until Mowgli is brought to him.  Bagheera arrives to warn Baloo of this, prompting the bear to try and send Mowgli away.  As Mowgli discovers more and more about Man and the power of the Red Flower, he begins to wonder whether or not he is capable of using it and if he could perhaps use it's power to keep his loved ones safe and stop the tyranny of Shere Khan once and for all.

What's Wrong?: As mentioned above, the film has quite a few flaws, my personal biggest flaw being the film's immense tone problems.  The film cannot seem to decide whether it wants to be a serious retelling of the original Rudyard Kipling story or a comedic retelling of the 1967 Disney film.  Both things are in themselves, mutually exclusive things.  Bill Murray's comedic antics about stealing honey from bees does not gel well with the next scene of Khan throwing Akela off a cliff.  It's not just scenes like this though.  There is a pointless scene where Shere Khan seems to threaten a wolf cub in front of his mother, around the same time as when Bagheera calls out Baloo on his humorous lies to Mowgli about Sloth Bears hibernating.

The film's CGI is also abysmal.  Like Dinosaur, the film was made with semi-real backgrounds and CGI characters to go with the one human character in Mowgli.  However, the characters were made comedically larger than in real life in comparison to the actual sized Mowgli.  Ergo, virtually all of the animals are freaking huge in comparison to Mowgli, whereas in real life, those animals aren't nearly as big.  Not only that, but if the animal characters are supposed to evoke real life animals, they hardly do so.  The only character that looked anything close to an actual version of his animal was Shere Khan.  But the rest was skewed at best.

What's Right?: Well, the casting of this film is pretty solid.  Idris Elba makes for a chilling Shere Khan and Ben Kingsley as Bagheera seemed almost ideal casting.  Even the kid they got to play Mowgli captured the essence of both jungle boy and little boy that the character was supposed to evoke, though I will say that the rest of the cast was, at best, interesting.  Bill Murray was a passable Baloo, but I always knew it was Bill Murray as Baloo instead of the character from the original.  Scarlett Johansson's "sexualized" Kaa was weird and need I say more about Christopher Walken as King Louie?

Overall: While not as big a mess as Alice in Wonderland, the film does suffer through a lot of what made that film and the other mediocre reboots so frustrating: if you cannot remake the film better, then why remake it at all?  The tone is all over the map, the casting is a mixed bag and the CGI is almost laughable, even in 2016.  This film was certainly not as good as the original 1967 film, and definitely does not bode well for the film I am going to see tonight...especially seeing how I hold the original version of this film better than The Jungle Book.  Man oh man, is Beauty and the Beast going to be a wild ride...