What Could Have Been #7: Nickelodeon!!!!!!!

We kids of the 90's and 2000's were the luckiest of in the world.  Disney was engaged in a renaissance, Nintendo was reaching new heights in technology, and there was a new network that was made just for kids: Nickelodeon.  Every show from Ren & Stimpy to Catdog had something great in it.  As the 2000's rolled in, even more shows came out that were awesome and well written if not well animated.  Jimmy Neutron, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Danny Phantom, and Spongebob were all beautifully crafted pieces of magic that gave Nickelodeon a fighting chance to dethrone Disney as the head of animation.  But at some point in the mid-decade, Nickelodeon collapsed completely.  Every show seen in the picture disappeared from air, and was replaced by continually more awful shows, even Spongebob was shattered by horrible new seasons.  What happened?  Was it as abrupt as we think, or was the decline in sight from back in the 90's?  Lets take a look at what happened to the greatness of Nickelodeon.

1. Butch Hartman's Stupidity and Lack of Vision

Butch Hartman got his start as an animator on multiple shows, including KaBLam! and Dexter's Laboratory.  He finally earned his chance to have one of his shows made on Nick, called The Fairly Odd Parents.  The show, about a ten year old kid with fairy godparents, is still one of the most successful shows in the channels history.  Timmy Turner faced off against an evil babysitter named Vicky, a slightly comedic and psychotic teacher Mr. Crocker, and many various magical creatures wreaking havoc in his hometown of Dimmsdale.  Hartman went on to write another hit show, Danny Phantom, which is still one of my favorite shows.  The show follows Danny, a fourteen year old with mysterious "ghost" powers, who defends the city of Amity Park from various ghouls and demons.

In 2006, the finale of Danny Phantom aired.  I was sad that they were ending a great show, but also happy with how they ended it, hoping that Hartman's next show would be an even bigger hit.  What did America get? 

Well, we got new episodes of The Fairly Odd Parents, but we could clearly see something was wrong.  Jokes were being reused every thirty seconds.  For example, in the episode "Fairly Odd Baby", Cosmo barfs on Timmy with this gross purple glop four times in a span of sixty seconds.  Also, the jokes were no longer centered around the whole family, but kids.  I mean, REALLY young kids.  The Crocker spaz outs became very numerous and predictable and the plot holes grew larger.  In the earlier seasons, it was established that if a child's fairies are revealed, they leave the kid forever and the child doesn't remember ever having them.  In these new seasons, Timmy's parents, friends, even Crocker learn that Timmy has fairies and yet they don't go away.  This completely stunts any growth Timmy is allowed to have in the series, as he continues to be a greedy, self-absorbed, brat of a kid who never learns fully from his mistakes, only wishing them away.

I figured for a while that Butch was away writing another great show, so he left Fairly Odd Parents to another group of idiots.  And when I heard that he had another show out, I was overjoyed.  Maybe this would be the show that  finally gets me happy with his shit.  What did we get?   
 
This abomination.  A show that not only reuses more jokes than Odd Parents, but also gave that untalented obnoxious moron Jerry Trainor work, when he should have been on the streets when Drake and Josh was cancelled.  Instead we get a show with a stupid premise, a stupid lead character, a stupid cast of villains and so many animal puns it makes Jafar's seem palatable.  The show follows a hyperactive dog and his overly bossy partner as they save Petropolis (BOO!!!!) from various villains, including a rat who lives with his mother, a chameleon with a transformation suit (who is too stupid to realize how truly powerful he could become with it), and others.  If this is how children's shows are going to be down the road, I'm never letting my kids watch a second of this shit.

 Oh, and I won't be talking about that piece of shit live action movie of The Fairly Odd Parents.  I don't think I have the strength to...yet.

2. Bye Bye Klasky-Csupo....

I guess the biggest thing was that we didn't think that Klasky-Csupo would get the boot from Nickelodeon.  The company is best known for their hit shows, including Rugrats, As Told By Ginger, Rocket Power, and The Wild Thornberry's.  Every single one of these shows was a smash hit, and were among the finest in the great era of cartoon shows. 

But one by one, these shows began disappearing.  Instead of coming home from school to watch Otto Rocket and his friends surfing and skating around their hometown, I got to watch Jamie Lynn Spears be a slut (we'll get to THOSE SHOWS later).  Gone are the days of nerdy girls who could talk to animals.  Gone are the days where a baby could go out and have adventures without being a retarded puff ball or having Seth MacFarlane's voice.  Only occasionally do we see a holiday special of these old shows, but even those are being replaced.  I know that childhood couldn't last forever, but at least keep them on late at night.  No one wants to see the same episodes of Friends or Yes Dear. 

3.  Hello Dreamworks?

In what I can only assume as a desperate tie-in towards the films' success, Dreamworks sent out a variety of shows based on their movies, three of which play on Nick, the last plays on Cartoon Network.  Ironically, the only really memorable of these shows is on CN.  The Penguins of Madagascar assassinates one of the best parts of an otherwise par movie, by following their story, a story no one really asked for or cared about.  The Penguins have apparently returned to the zoo (but since Madagascar 2 has them in Africa and 3 in Europe, I don't know when this takes place), along with King Julien, Maurice, and Mort.  They work their covert operations, ultimately causing more damage than preventing, making the aura of secret agent penguins completely obsolete.

Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness follows Po's story after the events of the second film, and introduces us to a wide variety of characters other than the Furious Five or Shifu.  And while it is better than Madagascar, it still isn't anything to brag about.  And since I never saw, nor have any interest in seeing Monsters Vs Aliens, I can only assume the show sucks since it's never been advertised. 

4.  WHO THE F*** IS GREEN-LIGHTING THIS SHIT?

It seems the only thing you need to create a Nicktoons show is"special white powder" and a straw.  Now, we can see Rocket Power rip offs trying to be hip (and failing miserably), robots wanting to destroy the NFL (I'm not kidding), and two hyperactive kids who try to con their way through life and have slushies. 

It begs one to raise the question, "Who is greenlighting this crap?"  Granted I know that 4Kids dubbed Yugioh! Zexal is horrible, but I'm talking about their original shows.  Who thinks these shows will be any good?  Who?  I want an answer damn it!

5. DAN F***ING SCHNEIDER!!!!

Now, I'll go more in depth on this "Hitler" of television in a later post (most likely around April), but this is a pretty big reason why Nickelodeon sucks.  All of Schneider's shows, from iCarly to Zoey 101, are horribly written and horribly acted shows about teenage cliches that no one really ever wanted to see.  Somehow, he still keeps getting paid to write crap from his ass, since back in the days of Full House.  These shows are what Nickelodeon is about, only gunning for teenage girls and little kids (just like Disney, except it hurts alot more).

6. The Silver lining

So long as Spongebob Squarepants and Avatar: The Last Airbender / Legend of Korra still air, Nickelodeon isn't completely dead.  Not yet, so they still can be saved.  We can still watch this channel without having to block the channel until 9 pm.