Top 10 Guilty Pleasure Movies

The beauty of humanity is that we can all take to liking things that other people generally find awful and contrived.  Everybody has that one movie that is hated and despised that you just can't get enough of.  This is not being a hipster by any meaning of the word.  The definition of a movie or a song that people generally hate and you can find fault in and yet you love to watch it is called a "Guilty Pleasure".  Everybody has a guilty pleasure.  I happen to have a dirty clothesline filled with guilty pleasure songs/ movies/ TV Shows, but I'm gonna stick to movies in this post.  These are the movies that are generally viewed as pretty damn bad and don't have that much of a fanbase, but I cannot get enough of.  Of course, I'm willing to admit these films are horribly flawed and I should generally avoid these films like the plague, but for some asinine reason, I can't seem to stop watching.  Welp, here we go.





10. Hercules (1997)

In terms of films that make virtually no sense in their own regards, Hercules could take the crown.  The plot is so flimsy and filled with so many annoying cliches and contrived moments that I should generally avoid this movie.  I rated this film positively when I reviewed it, but again, I spoke in this film's review from a Guilty Pleasure standpoint.  Hercules and most of the main characters are not likable and can be predicted from their first few seconds of screentime.  And yet, Disney was able to add one of their finer Disney Villains into the pool alongside such classics as Jafar and Frollo.  I adored James Woods as Hades in this film and I wish that the film was more about him, or at least wish he had some kind of payoff.

And need I say anything about the film's complete disrespect to Greek Mythology?

9. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (2005)

It astounds me the amount of people who think that this is a good movie.  The acting from the Hayden Christiansen and Samuel L. Jackson standpoints has gotten so bad that even I'm blown away at how complex the awfulness is.  The choreography for the duels is so over the top and silly that it made Yoda jumping around like a schizophrenic crack baby in Attack of the Clones palatable.  Thank god Natalie Portman was kicked to the side so we didn't have that many love scenes in this movie.

But like I said in my review, the first 20 minutes of this film alone more than makes up for this douchebag's terrible acting and over the top scenes from both him and Ian McDiarmid as Palpatine tolerable.  That, alongside the absolute apologizing that Lucas did by having Jar Jar in the movie for like only 3 seconds, makes Revenge of the Sith, tolerable for me to watch.

8. Pocahontas (1995)



Say what you will, Lion King haters out there who think that the film is overrated and boring with minimal exceptions.  But in 1995, The Lion King was one of the top 3 most successful films of all time, behind only E.T. The Extra Terrestrial and Jurassic Park.  And when it was slated to come out, Pocahontas was not only supposed to outgross The Lion King, but also join Beauty and the Beast as the second animated film to be nominated for Best Picture.  This film is far more boring and more uninteresting than The Lion King and at least half as entertaining.  But to say that Disney did not put an effort into this movie would be downright unfair and wrong.  This is still one of the most beautiful animated films of all time, and while the film doesn't cover any new ground in terms of story development, there is nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to story execution.  Pocahontas (unlike the criminally overrated Mulan), is at least attempting to be a good movie, and while it doesn't exactly succeed, there is not crime for trying.

7. X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)


When it comes to comic book movies and origin stories, I don't care what happens as long as I can get a decent story with some kick ass action.  I got that with Origins.  It wasn't a story that I demanded to know, but it also wasn't a movie that I wasn't too pissed off at.  I know that a vast majority of the things in this movie don't make any sense, and that they completely shit on the storyline of the whole saga, but at least I got a legitimate effort from people on screen.  Hugh Jackman was kind of cool in this role and there wasn't that much else I could really say about it.  It was a bad film that I pretty much enjoy.

6. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

I know that when it comes to making 40 page children's books into full length movies, you have to add more conflict to the plot than just some grumpy Muppet reject stealing Christmas from a bunch of overly perfect people.  But you can't just make the Who's a bunch of assholes who constantly think that materialism will bring them together when in the book they were above that.  Maybe you can have one selfish ass who could try to make everyone buy things and make money off of this holiday.  But you also CANNOT have Jim Carrey just be a pop culture reference flinging spastic moron throughout the movie.  Can't a Seuss movie do something right?

That being said, I still find Jim Carrey is amusing in some instances in this film, and I do like that they gave Cindy Lou Who some more backstory, but that was never enough to save this stinker.  And yet, I watch it whenever it's on.  What's wrong with me?

5. BASEketball (1998)

I first saw this movie before I came to truly appreciate what a wonder and marvel South Park was.  So, when I first saw this as a 9 or 10 year old, I didn't like it.  And I have good reason: it's a really stupid movie.  I don't know how Trey Parker and Matt Stone were able to make this movie.

And after watching this again a month ago, now a truly converted South Park fan, and I am now able to appreciate things I didn't understand or like as a 9 year old.  The fact that they actually got renowned baseball announcers Al Michaels and Bob Costas to act the way they do in this movie is downright ingenious.  And the stupid sports movie cliches are still prevalent in this movie, but I find the humorous scenes in this movie just too damn good to ignore.

4. The Black Cauldron (1985)

I have already gone on the record over how much this film was the single biggest missed opportunity in not only Disney history, but also one of the biggest in cinematic history.  The Chronicles of Pyrdain is still my all time favorite fantasy series (I've read both Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings), and this film did those great books no justice whatsoever.  Taran is an obstinate Anakin Skywalker knock off who never truly learns a lesson, Princess Eilonwy and the other characters get no time for character development, and over half of the main cast of the two books this movie covers (The Book of Three and The Black Cauldron), are no where to be found.  This includes: Prince Gwydion, Arawn Death-Lord, Queen Achren, Coll, Medwyn, High King Math, Adaon, Prince Ellidyr, King Smoit, Glew, King Morgant, among several others.

But this was my first take on what a REAL fantasy film was.  I first saw this film when I was about 4 years old and I loved it.  Now, I'm old enough to realize the bad things in it, but I also can shrug several of them off fairly quickly.  The Black Cauldron was the only real Fantasy movie I saw until The Fellowship of the Ring came out.  And that is an honor that I cannot bestow upon most films.

3. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)

You could fill the Pacific Ocean and still not have enough room to cram in the amount of absolute pigshit this film is.  There is no doubt in my mind that almost everything that happened to this project was at some point a decent idea that George Lucas ultimately ruined in an effort to sell billions of toys to stupid kids like me.  Sorry, Jorge.  We're not all stupid (though I did own at least 5 lightsabers in my life time).

The acting is terrible, the camera framing is terrible, the dialogue is a mess, the fact that George thought we'd care about the politics of this world when we could give two shits about American politics astounded me, and the movie is so unevenly paced that you could literally put me in a completely random scene in this movie and I wouldn't have a clue what was going on or who I was supposed to root for or against.

That said, I'd be lying if I didn't enjoy watching this film simply out of the joy of mocking it.  With the exception of Liam Neeson as Qui-Gon, no other character attempts to stand out or give me hope for the future of Star Wars in any sense.

And need I mention Jar Jar?  Meesa no think so.

2. Man of Steel (2013)

I never grew up with the Christopher Reeve/ Richard Donner Superman films, nor did I really grow up with the animated series.  To me, Man of Steel provided me with a decent albeit rushed backstory to one of the most iconic super heroes in American history.

That is...until I saw the Richard Donner films.  And while I do think that those films are vastly superior to Man of Steel, people have to admit they have their own ridiculous moments.  No Superman movie will be without those ridiculous and clunky moments.  It's impossible to think otherwise.

Again, with that said, there was a strong sense that Zack Snyder was going out of his way to make his rendition of Superman more like a Michael Bay Transformer movie.  Superman caused far more damage to both Smallville and Metropolis in his run at protecting the planet he called home from Zod.

Then again, this is a new interpretation of Superman that will always have people comparing them to the originals.  The same was said of Batman Begins when it first came out.  And while this film is no Batman Begins, there do give some decent answers to often unanswered questions, such as why doesn't Superman not kill people.  I would think that Superman not killing people would go beyond just his easy going personality and other things.  And besides, do people really think that Superman could have stopped General Zod without killing him?  The Richard Donner film didn't exactly answer that clearly.

1. Pearl Harbor (2001)

Please hear me out.  I hate this movie.  I cannot stand how Michael Bay attempted to copy Titanic with over the top nonsense and heavily loaded cliche nonsense.  In fact, I have no excuse to say what I like in this movie.  I have nothing to say about this movie.  Literally nothing.  But when I see that this movie is on TV, I will watch it.  I have nothing to defend this movie with, I have no reason to say why I like this movie, or at least not a good one.  I don't know.  I just don't know what to believe in anymore.


Do you guys have any Pearl Harbors?  Or do you have reasons to defend your guilty pleasure?  Feel free to leave a comment below and say what your...ugh...Pearl Harbor is.