Top 5 Least Awful and Most Awful Disney DTV Sequels...

I've owed you guys this list for almost a year now, and I apologize for keeping it away for so long.  To be perfectly honest, I had completely forgotten about these festering piles of mucus a long time ago.  Until I was doing some inventory on the site here, and I noticed that I had indeed reviewed these turds.  I remember I was unusually kind to most of these films.  While some are pretty decent (well, as decent as DTV Disney Films can be), most ruin the original films and even worse, ruin generations of children for years to come.

In case you are new to the site, here is a one word answer for how I felt about each of these "delightful" returning trips to kingdoms of wonder and enchantment:

The Return of Jafar: Tolerate
Aladdin and the King of Thieves: Love
Pooh's Grand Adventure: The Search for Christopher Robin: WTF?
Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas: HATE!
Pocahontas 2: Journey to a New World: Okay
The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride: Okay
The Little Mermaid 2: Return to the Sea: HATE!
Lady and the Tramp 2: Scamp's Adventure: Meh
The Hunchback of Notre Dame 2: HATE!
Cinderella 2: Dreams Come True: DEATH!
Return to Neverland: Ugh
The Jungle Book 2: Despise!
The Lion King 1 1/2: HATE!
Mulan 2: HATE!
Tarzan 2: Meh
Lilo and Stitch 2: Stitch has a Glitch: Like
Bambi 2: Meh
Kronk's New Groove: Meh
Brother Bear 2: Okay
The Fox and the Hound 2: HATE!
Cinderella 3: A Twist in Time: Fine
The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning: Fine

Most of the films are pretty meh and we can ignore as a good time waster for children.  But there are a certain few that make my job as a critic so much harder than it should be.  And there are also films that I allow to exist and some I even actually...like...

But let's start with the crappy ones first.  The ultimate list of Disney DTV films that should die and never be brought back for anything outside of if Disney decides to make an animated movie on "How NOT to make a sequel"...starting with...

TOP FIVE MOST AWFUL DISNEY DTV SEQUELS

Dis-Honorable Mentions:

Cinderella 2: Dreams Come True
The Lion King 1 1/2
Return to Neverland
The Jungle Book 2



5. The Fox and the Hound 2 


Words cannot begin to describe how much I hate this movie.  It absolutely demolished a film that I actually really liked as a kid.  It gave me a reason to hate everything that was Disney from 2005-2008.  It's superfluous to the overall story of the original film, it creates tension in a situation where we KNOW nothing will change, and it gives a movie I loved as a child the "Hick" treatment.  None of the decent side characters return and there is next to nothing in this film worthwhile for your children.  Steer clear from this nonsense.  It's awful.  Just...awful...

4. Mulan II

You'd have to work really, I mean REALLY hard to ruin the only salvagable thing about the first film aside from the animation (which is actually pretty good in this film).  But Mulan was the only thing I liked about the first film and as a result, I went into this film with the same expectations.  My God...this movie ruined Mulan to the point of me feeling dirty for giving any praise to the first film.  She pushes her ideas and beliefs on three innocent princesses and convinced them to marry for love (even though the alliance between their kingdoms would fall apart and China would be overrun by the Mongols).  Plus, I never thought a single movie could make me hate Mushu more than I already did...I gotta stop underestimating the power of the Dark Side...

3. The Little Mermaid 2: Return to the Sea

It also takes a lot of guts to replicate the formula for the original film (no joke, almost point for point aside from a love interest) and pass it off as an original idea.  I'm not even kidding.  This is the exact quote, word for word, that the announcer used in the promo for this film:

"Get ready for a story unlike any other..."

SUCK MY BALLS, DISNEY!  Seriously, the only thing that kept this film from ranking Number 1 is the animation, which still isn't something to brag about.  This movie physically hurts me to even think about it.  Please, for the sake of all mankind, destroy every single copy of this movie you can find!  We must save future generations from this evil abomination onto our world.

2. The Hunchback of Notre Dame 2

This movie haunts my every waking thought.  It's so goddamn awful that I want to find every single person associate with this film (aside from Haley Joel Osment if he's still voicing Sora in KH III) and kick them in the balls with a steel toe boot.  This movie adds things to movie that didn't need things added and lightened the tone of the original film to such a disgusting level, that I feel like Frieza at the beginning of Dragonball: Resurrection.  It gives Quasimodo a characterless love interest, a villain who has got to be the secret love child of Captain Hook and Prince John, and quite possibly the ugliest animation in an animated film I have had the dishonor of seeing in a long time.  This movie needs to be studied by all future animators.  Except for that reason, this film should never see the light of day again.  And NO!  I will not buy The Hunchback of Notre Dame on Blu Ray if I have to by this shit too, Disney!  SCREW YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU REPRESENT!

1. Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas

Why?  Why Disney?  What did we do to you?  We gave you money.  We gave you our time and our patience and our undying fandom.  We gave you our childhoods.  Why did you reward our faith and love with this?  Why do I have to hear about this movie every single Christmas when we decorate our house?  Why does this movie need to exist?  Are you still mad no one went to go see Pocahontas?

What can I say about a film that poisoned my own childhood?  A film that started this line of piss poor sequels.  The Return of Jafar may have been the first in this line, but it definitely wasn't the first bad one!  It kept the tone of the original film and it's only major flaws are no Robin Williams and disgusting animation.  This was the film that doomed our futures and our wallets.  A film that just needs to go away.  I never want to believe this film will exist again.



Can we get to the tolerable ones?  We can?  YAY!


TOP FIVE LEAST AWFUL DISNEY DTV SEQUELS

Honorable Mentions:

Lilo and Stitch 2: Stitch has a Glitch
Brother Bear 2
The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning


5. The Return of Jafar

This one isn't nearly as bad as some people say it is.  It's got the same charm and humor of the original film (minus one key actor), and is still exciting and fun enough to keep kids and adults entertained.  Unlike other films, this sequel does not recycle the plot of the original film and instead focuses on two characters: Jafar and Iago.  While Jafar gets all of the flashy powers and best lines, Iago actually has to carry most of the picture comedically and emotionally by himself, as Aladdin and Jasmine have personality drained from them and although he tries, Dan Castellanetta is no Robin Williams.

Nevertheless, the film still manages to recapture some of the magic of the first film and does do the character of Jafar serious justice while also telling a story all of it's own.  It's an average film, not a good one, but we're not looking for good here...

4. The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride

I've never truly known how to feel about this film.  While it does hold true to the tone of the original film, it's still much much weaker than the original film.  Zira is without a doubt one of the most overrated villains (though I do like her), the songs can be very grating on your ears, and while a majority of the original cast returns, the film doesn't exactly give much for them to do.  Aside from Simba and Rafiki, most either fall into cameo category or less than stellar comic relief (I'm looking at you Timon and Pumbaa).  While it isn't too good a film, on the other hand, I can't say it's bad.  We do manage to care for both Kiara and Kovu, despite their cookie cutter personalities, and it's nice to see the rivalry between Mufasa and Scar pass down to their loved ones.  A Romeo and Juliet story if there ever was one...

3. Cinderella 3: A Twist in Time




Who in their right mind would green-light this idea?  Cinderella's stepmother gets ahold of the Fairy Godmother's wand and goes back in time to ruin her stepdaughter's happily ever after.  Seriously, who said this was a good idea?

Well, I guess I have to say thank you.  This film was an absolute godsend released after that disgusting abomination mentioned above starring a fox and a hound.  But don't get me wrong.  The idea is stupid.  The songs are gross.  The mice are in this movie FAR more than anyone wanted.  But then, you have Anastasia as a well rounded sidekick character, the Prince actually having a personality (though as small as it is), the Stepmother remaining as evil as ever, and Cinderella finally becomes a seriously proactive character in the plot.  The animation is great.  What else can I say about a film I had ZERO expectations for that stunned me this much?

2. Pocahontas 2: Journey to a New World

Aside from the animation and the songs, this film is a serious improvement over the first film, for many reasons.  The first would be the fact that the heroine-villain chemistry is actually existent in this film, as Ratcliffe and Pocahontas never spoke to one another in the film.  Now, they are both able to despise and torment each other at will.  But there's more.  The side characters are a lot more memorable and Billy FUCKING Zane is a far more memorable lead than Mel Gibson was as John Smith.  This film is quite an interesting film and one that I would reccomend for you all to watch,  It may not be a seriously good film, but it's definitely one worth exploring.  You may not regret it.

1. Aladdin and the King of Thieves 

It's very rare that one person could make a significant difference in the quality of the film.  Were it not for Robin Williams mercurial performance as the Genie in this final installment in the Aladdin trilogy, this would probably be down a bit more on this list (maybe four or three).  But there is more to like about this film than just the Genie.  John Rhys Davies plays Aladdin's father and he is a nice addition to the cast, as is Jerry Orbach's rendition of Saluk.  Aladdin is a much more engaging character than he was in The Return of Jafar and although Jasmine once more plays a supportive role, in this film it's understandable as this was a family matter altogether.  Nevertheless, this was without a doubt one of the videotapes I broke as a kid because I watched it so much.  I love this movie almost as much as I do many normal Disney films.  It's one of the most successful home video releases for a reason.