Top 10 Biggest Failures of the Star Wars Prequels

Much like how Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs influenced and entire generation of people to get heavily involved in animation, the release of the Star Wars trilogy in the 70's and 80's influenced an entire generation of people to get involved in filmmaking.  We were heavily involved in the plot, we were entranced with Industrial Light and Magic's state of the art Special Effects, and we loved all of the characters.  

That being said, the general consensus is the exact opposite with regards to the second trilogy Lucas made in the 90's and 2000's.  We complained that the characters were flat, uninteresting and boring.  We whined that the story often went all over the map and wasn't consistent.  And a fair amount of us didn't like the digital effects Lucas put in, making the film look more like a video game than a movie.  By Revenge of the Sith, it had gotten so bad, I often looked down to make sure I wasn't playing a video game when I watched it.  

The Star Wars Prequels have surprisingly split the internet down the middle.  Personally, I thought there were far more people that hated them than liked them, but I was wrong.  Sure, the films gave us a few good elements, and some of the performances were okay to a point, but the films were so devoid of humanity that it almost felt as if a robot had made them.  But what are the trilogies BIGGEST crimes?  Which are the ones that slaughter and destroy the universe millions grew up with virtually beyond repair?  Well, let us delve into this, and see just what it is about these films that irks me so...

10. Jar Jar Binks...

I guess that goes without saying...

9. The Politics of Doom...

One of the nice things about the Original Trilogy was how little it felt it needed to focus on the politics of the universe.  The general focus of all three movies was the Rebel Alliance seeking freedom from the Empire and the subsequent return of the Jedi to prominence.  There was no need for political debates and the only few things we ever got involving politics was condensed to it's barest essentials, such as that scene in A New Hope where Tarkin informs his officers of the Senate's dissolution.  We didn't need to know about galactic laws or anything of those regards, because the story was focused entirely of the struggles of the Rebels and Luke's ascension to Jedi knighthood.

But in the prequels, George seemed to think we desperately needed to understand the politics of the Galactic Republic.  So, in several scenes that rival your average C-SPAN broadcast in boredom, we are forced to witness just how dull and dreary the legal system is.  In what could have just as easily been recounted or told to us in a sentence, we are instead treated to debates, filibustering to the point of no return, and the overall stupidity filed into each of these so called "senators".  Any amount of common logic could have seen that Palpatine was not only a power-hungry tyrant, but also a manipulative monster who was pulling strings on both sides of the galactic affairs.  Each of these scenes makes us hate these stupid senators more and more and we lose far too much sympathy for them in their struggles to be the dumbest species in the galaxy.

8. Kids...

This may seem like a weird thing to harp on, considering all George Lucas defenders out there claim that these movies are made for children, but I really do need to address this one fact.  By the time Return of the Jedi was being made, the focus on the plots of these respective movies was less emphasized and George became more motivated by toy sales and popularity than telling his story in the way it had been originally written.  This also meant all of those obnoxious parents got to drastically tone down the darkness and overall epicness of the Original Trilogy and, to a fair extent, "Baby Proof" this franchise and water it down considerably.  The results ultimately gave us several scenes with kids who are almost too obviously children of the producers and various members of the production team.  Kids, who cannot act by the way, and have little to no attention spans or coordination at all.  The two big instances of annoying children actors were on Tatooine in The Phantom Menace, and the youngling training scene in Attack of the Clones.  These scenes not only slowed the pace of the movie, but also made some of us vow to never ever let our children act for anything.  It's bad enough that the scene setup is so awful, but we also slowly continue to undermine the Original Trilogy with almost every second of film.  But more on that later...

7. No "Poster Boy" Villain...

It's safe to say (if you've seen the entire saga, that is) that the main force of evil in the galaxy is Emperor Palpatine, the ruthless Sith Lord, Darth Sidious.  But we didn't need to see much of Palpatine in the OT because the Empire already had a face of malice and cruelty in Darth Vader.  Vader was the one who personified the very soul of the Empire and was often the one who enacted the main acts of ruthlessness personally, such as being involved the the destruction of Alderaan, the obliteration of the Rebel Force on Hoth, and of course the subsequent takeover of the Bespin mining facility.  We didn't need to know how powerful the Emperor was until it came to be his time to shine.  We had Vader and we relished in his evil.

But in the Prequels, we have a severe lack of a poster boy for evil.  We had three very good options before Vader's ascension in Revenge of the Sith: Darth Maul, Count Dooku, and General Grievous.  Maul is disappointingly axed off at the end of The Phantom Menace, while both Dooku and Grievous are dead long before the Jedi are massacred by the Clones and Palpatine.  This kept the focus of the picture drastically watered down, and we are not as involved in the plot as we should be because the villains are kept in so much mystery that we cannot be told who they are and what they want.  This is especially evident in Maul and Dooku, who both could have had easily tragic backstories as to how they had become seduced by Palpatine and could have been the stepping stones that the Emperor would eventually lead Anakin down.  But that didn't happen...

6. The Jedi Order

There are many things that I should bring up with regards to the Jedi Order and the way they handle things (such as their lightsabers), but I'm keeping it to just the basic ways with which the Council rules over the order.  We are told in the movies that Jedi are forbidden to love, because love is a path to the dark side.  But there are literally an infinite amount of ways a Jedi can fall prey to the machinations of the Sith, so I would think love would not be high on that list, especially when it's revealed in various novels and TV series that many Jedi do fall in love and attempt to be with people they care for (even Obi-Wan).  I think this was just another pathetic attempt on Lucas's part to make us care about the relationship between Anakin and Padme without giving us anything serious to work with (TRUST ME, WE'LL GET TO THAT TRAVESTY LATER).

The Jedi must also be questioned in their decisions and logic patterns.  And these are not just minor decisions that impact a trivial amount of the trilogy.  Every single solitary decision and step the Jedi Order takes in it's efforts to "maintain peace and justice" ultimately brings about none of that at all.  I have a quite an alarming number of highlights for you.

A. After Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan report of Darth Maul's existence, the Council agrees to look into the matter.  And yet, by the time Queen Amidala decides to return to Naboo, the Council just sends Jinn and Kenobi to fight Maul, even though they NOT ONLY THOUGHT THE SITH WERE EXTINCT FOR A MILLENIUM, BUT ALSO THAT NONE OF THESE JEDI HAS FOUGHT A SITH LORD IN THAT TIME FRAME!!!!!!

B. Yoda and the vast majority of the Jedi Council senses that there will be GRAVE DANGER in the training of Anakin, and yet allow it anyway.  Why?  Reasons of course...

C. As Anakin and Obi-Wan report on the second assassination attempt on Padme's life, the Council randomly decides to give Anakin the assignment of guarding Padme on Naboo and keeping her safe (alone mind you), even though Obi-Wan knows damn well that Anakin is madly in love with her.  Why?  Reasons!

D. The Council uncovers an enormous conspiracy that links the Clone Army on Kamino to a bounty hunter named Jango Fett, who is in league with the Separatists (chiefly Count Dooku, a fallen Jedi), and has been behind the assassination attempts on Padme, the CHIEF SENATOR OPPOSED TO THE CREATION OF AN ARMY FOR THE REPUBLIC!  And what exactly do these idiots do?  They play right into the conspiracies hands!  Even when Dooku tells them practically everything there was to know about the plot, they still ignore it.  C'mon George!  A three year-old can write better than that.

E. Three years into the Clone Wars, with the entire Jedi Order spread thin across the galaxy, why do the Jedi then decide it's time to begin questioning the legitimacy of Palpatine's reign?  Reasons of course...


5. All of the Pointless Callbacks...

Now, I think it's safe to say we all know Lucas is, at best, a highly overrated writer and perhaps a bit narcissistic when it comes to Star Wars.  Yes, he is the one who created it, but he isn't the only one who executed that dream out onto screens.  I think that George wants to be a good writer, but he never takes the time to second guess himself or even hire people to call him out on some things.  If anything, the people around him are so enamored by him that it's kind of disgusting.  This is why so many annoying scenes like these exist.  Fan service is the only reason these absolutely unnecessary moments occur throughout this trilogy, and trust me, most of these callbacks are just unnecessary:

"I have a bad feeling about this"
R2-D2 working on Queen Amidala's ship (could have just been a cameo, but Lucas isn't smart enough to make those)
"This is where the fun begins"
Anakin building C-3PO (completely irrelevant)
"Set S-foils in Attack Position"
Jar Jar reenacting the stupid Ewok scenes
Obi Wan saying: "Hello, there", even though he could have silently killed Grievous and ended the war.

I could keep going, but I don't want to...

4. The Prophecy...of DUMBASSNESS!


I could go on for hours about any singular aspect of this nonsense George made up just to become another cliched writer in the Fantasy/Science Fiction genre, but I'm going to try and keep my main points about this nonsense down to it's essentials.  As with most prophecies, there is a very slant line the character and plot must walk in order for this to come to fruition.  Here, you have Anakin Skywalker, whom many in the Jedi Council believe to be the "Chosen One" of prophecy.  Well, who wrote this prophecy?  Who first told it?  What exactly does it say?  Why does the prophecy suddenly change in-between The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones?  From what I gathered in the first prequel film, the smallest bit of the prophecy we got was that there would be a being that would bring balance to the Force.  Then, it changed to "Destined to Destroy the Sith."  Wouldn't the destruction of the Sith bring the Force out of balance?  Shouldn't light and dark be wielded in equal shares?  Wouldn't the excess light in the galaxy bring about an even greater darkness?  Did Yoda and the rest of the Jedi not see this coming when the rumor of Darth Sidious rose up?

Here's another question: Just how can one deduce just who is the one of prophecy?  And shouldn't the Jedi obey this prophecy instead of constantly questioning it?  If the prophecy dictated that Anakin Skywalker was destined to destroy the Sith and bring balance to the Force, why did Mace Windu attempt to kill Emperor Palpatine?  And here's one last caveat to this nonsense?  If this prophecy was so important, WHY DID NO ONE IN THE ORIGINAL TRILOGY MENTION THIS?  Not once do I remember Obi-Wan, Vader, Yoda, or the Emperor recalling any kind of Prophecy of any kind.  This feels like it was just pulled out of Lucas's ass, as was most of the PT.  But I digress...

3. Ugh...


There is so much wrong with this singular aspect of the storytelling that I can't even bring myself to talk about it.  Yet, I must.  I think it's safe to say George just doesn't get love, or women for that matter.  And yet, this could have been one of the most epic and darkest tragedies in the history of storytelling.  Anakin should not have been the instigator of their relationship.  I know that having the girl fall for the guy first is very cliched, but if Anakin was indeed supposed to be a tragic character who would fall into darkness, would it not have made more sense for Padme to be the "Forbidden Fruit" in the Garden of Eden?  Even if it wasn't intentional for her to be that, Padme should have definitely been the one tempting Anakin over he tempting her.  After all, who was the "Main Character" again?  And Padme really has no reason to not want to be in a relationship.  She isn't the one who is supposed to be sterile and emotionless.  She may want to focus on her work, but I'm more than certain that she would want to have a family and romantic life outside of her politics.

But the worst part of the "Love Story" is how little we care for their relationship.  Lucas failed to plant the seeds of romance in between them, because Anakin was 8 or 9 when they met, and Padme looked at him like a little brother more than as a potential love interest.  Wouldn't it have made more sense to start Anakin off as a 13 or 14 year old, around the same age as Padme?  Would that have made us care?  Maybe, but when the two have little to nothing in common outside of their mutual respect/ attraction to each other.  Is this why we cannot care about this "Romeo and Juliet" among the stars?  Is this why I couldn't be less involved when Anakin choked Padme and she "Lost-the-will-to-live?"

2. Anakin Skywalker


Finally, we come to the aspect of this trilogy that almost everyone despises.  One of the biggest failures of any saga is if we cannot connect/care about our main character.  You had Bella Swan in the Twilight Saga, and now you have Anakin Skywalker in this new Star Wars saga.  We find it hard to connect to Anakin because he is a completely different character in The Phantom Menace.  He's this characterless, obnoxiously wide-eyed child who has no personality outside of his not knowing about the world he has been brought to.  By the time we reach Attack of the Clones, he is this angst filled, whiny, selfish, constantly complaining, short tempered little runt who cares little for anyone but himself.  He often doesn't give Obi-Wan or Padme the time of day and it's really surprising that these two can care for such an awful being.  Let's list all of the heroic and wonderful things this truly marvelous character had done, shall we:

1. Calls out his boss in the middle of a conversation to show off in front of his "girlfriend"
2. Recklessly leaps out of a vehicle thousands of feet in the air
3. Relentlessly stabs at a driver, while not knowing if this is indeed the assassin or not
4. Whines about Obi-Wan and the Jedi 
5. Looks at Padme very much like a stalker does
6. Interrupts and insults Padme during her conversation with the Queen
7. Makes a horrible analogy about sand
8. Admits he supports a Fascist Dictatorship (Mussolini style, baby)
9. Shows off his Force Powers in front of Padme
10. Is willing to give up his once in a lifetime opportunity to be a Jedi just to be with Padme
11. Cries like a little girl when she refuses
12. Is willing to abandon his Jedi mission to go look for his mother
13. Leaves Padme in the care of three strangers
14. Slaughters a village of Tusken Raiders ("And not just the men, but the women and the children too!")
15. Brings a corpse of his mother home
16. Goes off on a megalomaniacal rant
17. Is reluctant to go rescue Obi-Wan, even though he's already defied the Council by leaving Naboo anyway
18. Recklessly brings Padme into a Droid Factory
19. Destroys what is so obviously his 27th lightsaber
20. Is willing to jeopardize the lives of Obi-Wan and the clones just to find Padme
21. Stupidly rushes at Dooku on his own (one of the few times he gets what he deserved)
22. Allows Dooku to chop his arm off.  Seriously, slow mo the end of that fight
23. Marries Padme despite the brewing war and the fact that he'd be expelled from the Jedi Order
24. Coldbloodedly murders Dooku
25. Throws a temper tantrum when the Jedi Council doesn't make him a Master
26. Yells and complains at Padme for no apparent reason
27. Stupidly refuses to question Palpatine on his Sith knowledge
28. Doesn't kill Palpatine when he has the chance
29. Disarms (figuratively and literally) Mace Windu and does nothing to help him when he's electrocuted to death by Palpatine
30. Switches sides as quickly as the Flash can run to China and back
31. Slaughters children II
32. Deliberately lies to Padme about his deeds
33. Slaughters the Separatist Leaders
34. Chokes Padme with the force

What a nice guy, right?

1. Ruining the Original Trilogy

But the biggest crime of George Lucas's biggest F*** Up since "Howard the Duck" is by far how much this trilogy ruined the Original Trilogy.  Not just in terms of continuity, trust me there's so much wrong in that department.  The mood, tone, feeling, and just the overall happiness and originality of the OT was tragically ruined by this schlock.  Almost every minute detail of this trilogy either ruins or contradicts the entirety of the Original Trilogy.  Call me a loser, but I always felt that training with Yoda was a very special privilege for a Jedi apprentice.  He was so wise and could have done anything he wanted to with his time, but devoted it to training just a small handful of Jedi students (such as Obi-Wan).  He didn't run a stupid training class with dumb kids who can't even hold lightsabers properly.

Another thing that I noted from reading the novelized version of Revenge of the Sith is this notion that Yoda had truly failed the Jedi Order.  Not because he had failed to kill the Emperor, but because he had trained generations of Jedi to fight the same war they had fought when he was younger, while the Sith had spent the last 1000 years adapting and turning war into their weapon.  Therefore, when Obi-Wan brought up the fact that Yoda and he could train Luke and Leia in the ways of the Force, I was surprised when Yoda shot that down and said that Luke and Leia needed to be raised in an environment of love and caring.  And yet, in the OT, why does it look like Yoda is training Luke in a similar way he trained other Jedi?

There are other questions that got me to thinking.  Such as...

1. How could the Senate not have guessed that Palpatine was a ruthless dictator?  Follow up question: How did the Imperial Senate last 19 more years, when it only took Palpatine 3 years to render their powers completely worthless?

2. What motivated Yoda to chose Dagobah as his location of exile?  And why did he feel the need to go into exile when they had damning evidence of Palpatine's betrayal recorded in the Jedi Archives?  

3. Why did Obi-Wan not walk over to Darth Vader and kill him?  Isn't it a bit illogical to assume that Vader would die on Mustafar, when he had proven to Obi-Wan all those years he could survive pretty much anything?  

4. Why in the freaking universe would Padme up and "lose the will to live" when she had two children to take care of?  Shouldn't that make Luke extremely unhappy with his mother?  

5. On that note, how the hell does Leia claim she remembered her mother, when Padme died minutes after she was born?  

6. What ever happened to all of those battle droids scattered across the galaxy?  And what about the other various commanders and leaders of the Separatists?  Wouldn't they need an acknowledgement of the war ending?  And don't give me any of that nonsense that it already happened, because we never see Anakin do just that after Gunray is killed?  

You guys don't have to answer these questions, but feel free to.