Monday, February 3, 2014

Film Review #56: The Little Mermaid 2 Return to the Sea

Well, Disney had totally botched the sequel to Beauty and the Beast, but had done reasonably well for the sequels to Aladdin, Pocahontas, and The Lion King.  So, logic dictated that the next big Disney Sequel should be for one of Disney's most successful franchises: The Little Mermaid.  But how could a sequel be done that would be different from the other films, but still be a cheap corporate tie-in.  The result was an absolute disgrace and unholy abomination that prevented me from watching the first movie for six years.

I loved The Little Mermaid growing up.  It was one of my all time favorite movies and is still to an extent.  And it pained me to not be able to watch the original until I got it on DVD in 2006.  But that is what Disney Sequels do to you; they rip out your feelings and stomp on them while counting the money they conned you out of.  By no means at all is The Little Mermaid 2 a watchable film, nor is it a film that tests new boundaries or creates a brand new world to venture into.  It remains locked and bound by the laws of a Disney Sequel and replicates the original film's plot (minus a love interest, to an extent) so brilliantly, that it is flat out astonishing that the film wasn't marketed as the original one with a brunette lead now.  There is no depth, no reasonable way of trying to make this good in any degree, with no foreseeable way that Disney would be able to recover from the blow they'd given themselves in the credibility department.

PLOT: At first, the film seems relatively passable.  The first song isn't good at all, but still, it could have been MUCH worse.  The people of Eric's Kingdom (I guess he still isn't King?) all go out to sea to celebrate the birth of his and Ariel's daughter, Melody.  Even the merpeople from Atlantica come to honor the Princess.  King Triton gives his granddaughter a magic locket that shows Atlantica and all of the merpeople.  But the movie and the celebration plummet into murky waters when Morgana the sea witch kidnaps the child and threatens to kill her in honor of her deceased sister, Ursula (LAZY!!!!!!!).  Though Melody is rescued, Morgana flees and without her captured, Ariel begins to fear for her daughter's safety in the sea and orders a sea wall to be built.  Heartbroken, Triton asks Sebastian to watch over her.

Several years later, Melody (JUST LIKE HER F***ING MOTHER!) disobeys her mother to go swimming in the ocean.  Melody finds Triton's gift to her underwater and keeps it.  That night, Ariel discovers it and yells at her daughter for disobeying her (JUST LIKE TRITON DID!), which makes Melody run away from home and out into the ocean.  There, she meets up with Morgana's henchmen who take her to Morgana's icy fortress.  Morgana puts on her best Ursula impression and turns Melody into a mermaid, but tells her the spell is only temporary and that she needs her magic trident to make it permanent, telling her Triton stole it many years ago.  Melody resolves to find it while coming across Timon and Pumbaa in Little Mermaid form, and the three go to Atlantica and recover the trident.

As Melody is about to hand over the trident, Ariel and Flounder find her and try to convince her of Morgana's evil.  But, since Ariel could have done it at any time in the past and that Melody has almost as much poor judgement as her mother did, she hands over the trident to Morgana, who reveals her true ways.  She seals Melody and Flounder in a huge block of ice and captures Ariel with her tentacles, taking her hostage to the surface.  With the trident at her enemy's command, her mother a prisoner, and her mermaid abilities quickly wearing off, it is up to Melody to rescue her mother and save the ocean from Morgana once and for all.

What's Bad?: It's a really bad sign when every single decision made by virtually every character in the movie needs to be questioned.  King Triton had a pretty reasonable excuse for his attitude towards humans in the first film, because most of the terrible and despicable things he believed humans do, we actually do.  And Triton was willing to accept that what he had done was a terrible idea and was able to accept that his daughter was growing up and needed to follow her heart.  In this abomination, the only excuse for Ariel to keep her daughter from the sea is a vague threat made by the most incompetent Disney Villain since Edgar the Butler.  Instead of being a better parent than her father was, and actually telling her what kind of evils were out there, she simply barricades her family from the sea and her from her home.  WHAT?  IN WHAT REALM OF LOGIC DOES THAT MAKE AN IOTA OF SENSE?  Ariel deserves every shitty thing that happens to her in this stupid movie.

One could argue that Melody was just like her mother in this movie, but I didn't see it that way.  For starters, not only was she always being honored by her parents and friends (again to an extent).  Then, you should also see that Ariel was still given a choice by Ursula in the first movie, which cemented the girl's faith in the sea witch despite initial doubts.  Melody?  She instantly trusts the first thing she meets, even though I've never met anything that looked like Morgana and was good.

As for Morgana, even Pat Carroll couldn't save this shitty character.  Disney f'd up so badly with this character, that they couldn't even duplicate Ursula's mannerisms.  If you're going to copy a film, at least make a god damn effort!  Even the Disney Villain's logic needs to be questioned.  For instance, why not start gloating about having your way after you actually get it?  She begins gloating to Triton before she had even acquired the trident.  Then, we learn that she has a bottle of Ursula's magic!  WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST USE THAT TO GET THE TRIDENT?  NO?  NO!  Then, after she actually gets the trident, she kidnaps Ariel.  Why?  If you have a magic trident that has been shown to have the power to vaporize eels and destroy treasure troves, what is the point of kidnapping Ariel?  What threat to Ursula did Ariel pose after she had the trident?  None.  It was Eric and his ship ramming skills that defeated Ursula!  Ariel did nothing!  So, instead of focusing your wrath on Eric or Triton first, you kidnap Ariel!  Good move, moron!

There is a disease out there that many films suffer from.  It's called Sidekick-itus.  It's a very fatal disease that makes the movie have way too many sidekicks that do nothing but show up to have a toy made out of them.  The only two sidekicks that do anything in the movie that is worth mentioning is Sebastian, who resumes his babysitting days, and the shark, who actually helps Morgana manipulate Melody.  Morgana's eels do nothing, Flounder and Scuttle do nothing, Eric does nothing but have his ship destroyed, the dog does nothing, the seahorse guy does nothing, and the carbon copy Timon and Pumbaa guys do nothing.  If you have characters do nothing, WHAT"S THE F***ING POINT OF HAVING THEM IN YOUR F***ING MOVIE?!?!?!?!?!?!

What's Good?: The DVD is easy to destroy.

Overall: A film that was so putrid and unwatchable that it kept the original classic off store shelves until 2006.  I couldn't even listen to the original films music during this time.  I actually gave the VHS to my sister the day after unwrapping it on Christmas.  She chucked it out the window.  Unless you are a really self-mutilating person who likes to make yourself suffer by watching piss poor movies, this is a movie that should be sterilized, vaccinated, and destroyed!  This movie is so bad, I had to watch The Phantom Menace just to feel clean again.

Report Card:

Hero:                           N/A
Heroines:                     F
Villain:                         F
Side Characters:         F
Songs:                          F
Musical Score:            F
Animation:                   D
Themes:                       F
Story:                           F

Does the film hold up with the original?: 



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