Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Film Review #53: Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas

If SimbaKing94 ever held a dark secret in his vault that he could reveal, it would be that I actually liked this film as a child.  After all, I was only 3 or 4 when the film came out, so I was easily entranced by the prospects of a sequel to one of the first movies I had ever seen.  I stopped watching this around 2000, and after several years, I rented the film from my local library on video and I showed it to my cousins while babysitting them.  And?  I hated it.  I still hate it!  This movie makes me feel sick even by thinking about it.


When it comes to Disney Sequels, you'd have to be a special brand of awful to surpass the absolute piece of animal dung that is known to the world as Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas.  And here is the main reason why I hate this film so much: I freaking love Beauty and the Beast.  It is one of the single greatest films ever made, period.  Every scene, from the stain glass opening, to the 'Be Our Guest" scene, this film is one of those films that can reach near perfection level.  When you create a sequel, you should keep it in the same ballpark of relevance in both story and tone.  This is why both Return of Jafar and Aladdin and the King of Thieves work as sequels to Aladdin.  But when it comes to the single most acclaimed animated film ever made, you'd think Disney would at least make an effort to make this film work.  NOPE!

PLOT (if you could call it that): It's Christmas time around the enchanted castle, but the Beast has forbidden the servants from celebrating Christmas.  Naturally, Belle makes a stand against this rule, not knowing about the Beast's dark past on this day.  An evil pipe organ named Forte (Tim Curry) and his hench-flute Fife (Paul Reubens), try everything in their power to thwart the other objects intentions to celebrate Christmas and bring Beast and Belle together.

What's Bad?: In short, everything.  Every single solitary second of this film makes me cringe.  The fact that all but Chip's original voice and Richard White (Gaston) appear in this movie makes me sick, the fact that this was even considered to be Disney's big 1997 holiday season draw next to a re-release to video of The Jungle Book makes me sick in the stomach.

The film's biggest crime, outside of existing, is the fact that it tramples all over the established relationships in the original film.  Belle, who not only lost her freedom and father in the first film, but was imprisoned in a dark castle filled with strange objects and a hideous monster, has in this film been transformed into a life coach for the Beast.  Not only did Belle not warm up to the Beast until he stopped being a spoiled little brat, but she wouldn't even give the Beast the time of day before that.  But here, she's just like one of those hired motivators people need to get out of bed in the morning.  DIDN'T THE BEAST TRAP YOU IN THIS FREAKING PLACE?

As for the Beast, his character development also takes a huge step backwards.  The movie claims that the events in it take place after the Beast rescued Belle from a pack of wolves.  In essence, that would mean that the Beast would at least start acting more human at this point, not often losing his temper at the mere sight of his shadow (THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENS!).  He should have restrained himself to an extent in this movie, not act like a spoiled brat throwing tantrums that would make even Veruca Salt cringe in disgust.  But, like how Belle's character was shamelessly ass-raped in this movie, Beast is still the grouchy monster we see in the first half of the original movie, without the feeling of sorrow and despair we felt for him then.

The songs are sickening.  Not one of them should ever be heard by a mortal.  These songs should be the punishment for people who commit terrible crimes and are sent to Hell.

The animation makes "The Flintstones" look like Spirited Away or Howl's Moving Castle.

What's Good?: It's not a long movie...

Overall: The scariest part of this, is that we have hardly touched the iceberg of mediocrity the Disney Sequels would be so infamously known for.  We have over 20 more films to go, and the darkest days are still ahead for these films.  But on it's own, The Enchanted Christmas is an extra level of awful, with an extra side of horrid atrocities.  When Beauty and the Beast comes back out of the vault in 3 or four years, PLEASE PEOPLE!  DO NOT BUY A COPY OF THIS PIGSHIT!  PLEASE!  SAVE OUR CHILDREN FROM THESE HORRID ABOMINATIONS!

Report Card

Hero:                                 D-
Heroine:                            F
Villain:                               F
Side Characters:               C-
Songs:                                F
Musical Score:                  D-
Animation:                         F
Story:                                 F
Themes:                             D-


Does it hold up to the Original?: 





Disclaimer: I do not have the brainpower to take on another Beauty and the Beast sequel, so no Belle's Magical World just yet...

No comments:

Post a Comment