What Could Have Been? #4: The Super Mario Bros. Movie

Don't we all just love Nintendo?  Who doeit sn't?  Their quite possibly the largest gaming giant in the world and by far the most entertaining.  Every single one of their characters, from Mario and Luigi, to Donkey Kong and Yoshi, and from Link and Fox, to Samus and Pikachu, are as memorable and recognizable to the world as almost all of the characters in Disney's library.

But that doesn't mean they haven't screwed up at all.  For example, when the smash hit game The Super Mario Bros became the highest selling game of all time, Nintendo and other companies (DiC entertainment among others) tried vehemently to capitalize on the game's success by creating toys, Halloween costumes, and that putrid cartoon series.  But by far Nintendo's biggest fuck up in this over-capitalization era was the live action motion picture, The Super Mario Bros. Movie.  Not only was this film awful, disgusting, and a straight up insult to fans, the film flopped miserably at the box office and made Nintendo seal themselves from the warp pipe that leads to Hollywood.  Since then, only the Pokémon franchise has released movies to theaters, mainly on the insistence of 4Kids Entertainment.

Considering the recent drain pipe stoppage of creative ideas in Hollywood (Battleship, Avatar sequels, The Last Airbender, Transformers) it astounds me that Nintendo has refused to make motion pictures based on their cavalcade of characters and situations.  The right story combined with effort, imagination, and heart, can lead to a promising movie.  So, considering what we were given back then, I am going to list several steps that should be done to create a movie based on Nintendo, and also point out what could have made the film a hit.

Step 1: Pick Your Audience
Anybody out there trying to make it big in Hollywood must understand that no matter what you do, your film will not be loved and worshiped by the entire world.  Therefore, you have to pick what kind of audience your film is going to appeal to.  In the case of the piece of shit that was made in the nineties, it made the fatal flaw of trying to appeal to everyone, from the Die Hard fans to the mainstream animated film crowd.  That is why the film failed horribly.  For the sake of my retelling, the film will be an animated film on par with something like Shrek or The Lion King.  Animation has the unique ability to appeal to all audiences, but it is pretty rare that a film can do this and still be a quality film by the standards we've set.

Step 2: Choose The Film's Focus
Why did the 1993 film focus on Luigi and Daisy's romance?  Not only has that only been only implied, it also isn't Luigi's movie.  Luigi is what we writers call a "sidekick".  While it is okay for him to have a character arc (Han Solo and the Genie each had their arcs), they are not the focus of their movies.  Since the film is called Super Mario Bros., then Mario should be the main character.  The film should be about his goals and his desires, not Luigi's. 

Since we are focusing our film on Mario, then Peach is more than likely to be our leading heroine.  And since this is going to be an animated film, Peach can have all of those usual traits that Ariel, Belle, and Jasmine had in their movies, wanting more than what life has thrown at you.  Peach should be character first and a Princess/Damsel second.  A stronger than usual female character will draw in the female demographic.

Step 3: Cast the Characters, NOT THE ACTORS
Films like The Dark Knight, The Lion King, and The Lord of the Rings use their cast of characters to add drama and tension into the plot, instead of what the 1993 film did.  This film just cast whoever it wanted and hoped the film would be a hit on name basis alone.  If Dungeons and Dragons proved anything, it's that Marlon Wayans and Jeremy Irons do not belong in the same movie, despite both putting up pitiful roles.  Bob Hoskins, John Leguizamo and Dennis Hopper are poorly cast for a fantasy film about a strange Wonderland like place. 


In casting Mario and Luigi, you want to find actors who can act in sync with each other.  You'd want actors who can get a genuine emotion out of the characters, while not taking away their personalities.  Mario is brave and outgoing, and is willing to risk everything for his friends.  Luigi, conversely, is more of a book smart and cowardly type of character, but is a bit more sarcastic than Mario is.  In this case, I would cast someone like Zac Efron as Mario, and make Luigi someone like Jesse McCartney.

In the case of Bowser, you want someone who is menacing and cruel, but also someone who can feign sympathy towards someone.  When Vincent Price was cast as Professor Ratigan in The Great Mouse Detective, he provided a large and powerful antagonist with a suave and dignified personality that always wavered between in control and way out of control.  That role is what you want for Bowser.  In the old days, someone like Gene Hackman, Christopher Lee, or James Earl Jones would have been given this role.  In this film, he will be portrayed by someone like Michael Shannon or Chris Hemsworth.

Peach and Daisy would be contrasting characters.  Peach is more regal and gentle than Daisy, while Daisy is more of a tomboy and adventure seeking princess.  Peach will be played by Hayden Panitierre, Megan Fox or Amy Adams.  Daisy would be portrayed by the likes of Mila Kunis, Kaley Cuoco, Anne Hathaway, or Natalie Portman.

While they will be working for Bowser, Wario and Waluigi will provide comic relief to the story, often breaking the fourth wall with their jokes.  Like with the Mario bros, you have to incorporate two actors who have chemistry in their scenes, much like Ernie Sabella and Nathan Lane had in The Lion King.  Since they will be more like bandits and thieves than the other two, they will have to have grittier and more rougher personalities.  I could see people like Seth MacFarlane and Gilbert Gottfried as these two, because of their witty banter with each other.

Step 4: Building the World
The world that was shown for us in the 1993 film was weird, bizarre, and yet disgusting and downbeat.  If you wish to stay loyal to the game of origin, than you have to create the bright and colorful world of the Mushroom Kingdom.  You can incorporate the vast and open scenery of the video games (desert, jungle, volcanoes, cities, and open fields) into the film while not making it look like it was shoehorned in just to please fans.  Have Peach's castle surrounded by a massive old european-style city, where everyday life takes shape.  Beyond the palace gates, the castle should be littered with beautiful flowers, rose bushes, and romantic fountains.  Beyond the city gates, can lie a vast and uncharted land, where you never know where you'll be swept off to.

Bowser's castle can be surrounded by hot boiling lava, while the inside can be refined and proper, much like how the beast wishes to present himself. 

Step 5: Motivations!!
Why does Bowser kidnap Peach?  Is it to gain a ransom?  Does he love her and want to marry her?  Or is she just a pawn in a much bigger game of chess than previously imagined?  We can have Bowser be in a position similar to that of Jafar in Aladdin or Long Feng in Avatar: The Last Airbender, where he secretly runs the kingdom while plotting to overthrow the King and seize unlimited power.  Peach's kidnapping devastates the King, who secludes himself in his study while sending countless servants out to find her.  With the King now vulnerable, Bowser will complete his takeover of the land, while also keeping a very valuable hostage.

Perhaps Bowser is motivated by vengeance.  Perhaps a hundred years ago, there was a great war between Koopas and the Toads.  The Koopas were defeated and cast out into the land where Bowser has his castle hidden.  Maybe he is able to convince the King that their mistreatment for decades should be undone, all while promising his Koopa brethren that they will take what is rightfully theirs.

Step 6: Relationships
Mario and Luigi should share a genuine brotherly relationship.  While they do love each other, they can act like real brothers and butt heads a lot.  For instance, you can have Luigi jealous that Mario is the more popular of the two of them, but make it more of a subplot.  Or, since Mario is virtually guaranteed the Princess at the end, you could have Luigi a bit more of a klutz when it comes to women, especially Daisy.

Mario and Peach should also have a strong relationship.  They would love each other for who they are in contrast to their physical appearances. 

Step 7: Conflict
No story exists without conflict.  Nothing is resolved or learned if there is no conflict.  The main conflict would be between the Mario brothers and Bowser.  The King Koopa may look at these two with a sense of mockery and lack of interest.  But as they get further and further along, he could view them as a potentially dangerous threat and send his most evil accomplices after them (Petey Phiranna, Wiggler, Boos)

A sub-conflict could be between Peach and Bowser, where the Princess tries every way possible to stop Bowser from taking over the kingdom.  Bowser could have a sort of psychotic attraction to her that keeps him from murdering her, while Peach is thoroughly disgusted by him.


Step 8: Don't Feel Inclined to Copy Disney!
Almost every Disney film has something to market and sell to the people.  If you are making a story that is dark and interesting, there's no need to over-market the cute characters like Yoshi and Toad.  That just makes you look like a sellout instead of a visionary.

Step 9: Climax!
The Key to a successful film is a gripping climax, one that could have your audience on the edge of their seats.  The 1993 P.O.S. lacked a truly interesting conflict, mainly because you are so bored that you wish the dinosaurs they were talking about would turn into the ones from Jurassic Park and eat your head off.

Mario and Luigi have saved the Princess, and now they are returning to the Mushroom Kingdom to deal with the evil Bowser once and for all.  They show up to the kingdom and see it in ruins.  Bowser and Mario square off in the throne room and Bowser is so enraged he causes the ground to begin spewing lava.  In his hatred, he lunges at Mario but falls into the lava pit and dies. 


That's about it...I feel like I covered just about everything.  A Mario movie is doable, but it requires actual effort and care put in.  A well-crafted Mario film is a guaranteed blockbuster. 

Feel free to leave a comment below telling me how you'd repair that awful 1993 film, or if you'd like me to take a swing at anything else, like Zelda or Pokémon.